Third in a series

I'll try to make this short, since I'm already up too late.

Today's topic is "Why are we so dissatisfied with everyday life that we feel the need to do special things as a nearly everyday thing". In reading my Dad's memoirs and remembering stories my Mom told of her growing up years, they had a whole lot of everyday life without the special stuff. When they did have special times, such as holidays or special trips, they were much simpler than we would make them. On holidays, they would have a nice meal. This consisted of a little more than what was served everyday with maybe a special dessert that was only made for that holiday. If it was an occasion where presents were given, they would have received only one or two gifts. Eating out was a picnic, a potluck, or a meal at another person's house. A meal in a restaurant was rare. Special foods that were savored, were ordinary foods that you only got when they were in season.

I find that I am tempted to try to make too many special things in my life. Some of it may come from our advertising culture that tries to make you think that you aren't satisfied with what you have. But, I think some of it is from my own inner child wanting to do the special stuff for my benefit. Christmas is a good example. How many family traditions did you have growing up? Didn't your spouse have some traditions they want to pass on to your family? Have you heard of family and friends doing things that sounded to you as a good idea? Before you know it you are drowning in an avalanche of special things to do for Christmas. After all, if every day is special, it doesn't really stand out against the experiences of every day life. I find myself doing something "for the kids" that is really all about me. They might enjoy it, but I can't keep doing special things all the time. I have to somehow get the message across that it is special and no we aren't going to do it every single day.

I have a recent example from my life. I have fond memories of baking special things at Christmas. So, in my mind, I would like to repeat this for my children. But, since I'm going to be doing something special, why not go all out and pick something new that I've never done before. I decided to do popcorn balls and a Gingerbread house. I should have known better. Christmas is my craziest time of year. I need a simple quiet time, not more activity. Well, this year was a little bit crazier than most and the popcorn balls and the gingerbread house didn't get done. Looking back I was quite disappointed about that. Then one day at the grocery store I noticed all of the Valentine's day candy showing up in the store. I had an idea! Who says a gingerbread house is only for Christmas time? We can do one for Valentine's Day!

It took about a week of interruptions and delays, but we finally completed the gingerbread house today


The girls did enjoy the process. They helped me do the gingerbread recipe. The Pillowfight Fairy helped me roll out and cut the dough. They watched me make the icing glue. They both helped me decorate it with candies. I'm very happy about how it turned out. I must say, anyone who has put one of these things together can be considered a wiser gingerbread architect than when they first started. As much as the kids liked doing this, it was still Mommy's project. I didn't want to let other people interfere with my vision. Although, I did ask advice from my husband since he had worked with a group of people to build a gingerbread castle once. I finally had my special Christmas baking experience that turned out to be a belated Valentine's Day experience when it was all said and done.

How does this tie in with where I started? Well, I was trying to graft on a tradition into my family so that we would have one more special thing to remember. Even though we don't really need anything more added to the other special things we were doing. There is nothing wrong with special things or events. I am even a little proud of the fact that I adapted this bit of confection to a different holiday than is traditional. However, I am newly keen to the idea that this takes a ridiculous amount of work. Nearly every special thing or event in our lives takes extra work. This was true for my parents in their family's growing up and it is true of my family today. They didn't have a lot of special things or events in their lives. There was a whole lot of sameness from day to day. I think that they tried to give my brothers and I more than they had growing up. In turn I am trying to do even more for my kids.

I hope my kids remember some of the special things that we do. I hope they remember that their Mom would try something new from time to time. But, I don't want them to think that a day without something special is a substandard day. I think I want to be picky about the special things that we do. I don't want to get too elaborate or we won't be able to afford the special things in time, effort or money. I don't want them to be too frequent or we might think that they are necessary to our lives and can't be done without. But, I don't want to go to the opposite extreme. I don't want to make our special family times ordinary.

I guess it all comes down to priorities. When celebrating a birthday, what do we want to remember as special? The event or the person? When celebrating Christmas do we emphasize gifts, the nativity, music, or family? What will be the special part for us? When we choose a field trip, do we plan carefully to match exactly what we are studying in school or do we take the opportunities as they arise? We probably need a little of both. It is possible that we can fill our lives with so much that none of it makes an impression anymore.

By the way, my parents revel in doing special things now. They enjoy tremendously giving their grandkids an overflowing generous measure of special treatment. They travel all over the country in an RV and enjoy doing things they never got to do earlier. I think they treasure those memories of special times when they were young, but they know that those simpler times were simple out of necessity. What will I treasure as I look back? What will my kids treasure? I don't know. I hope I will treasure some of the simple things as special along with some of the more elaborate things.

Second in a series

In my second post in this series, (which is in no particular order subject-wise) I thought that I would talk about work. This is because not only does my Dad's memoirs talk a lot about the work that people did when he was growing up, but because today our family went to the Sacramento Spinners and Weavers Guild Show. Between the two things, it got me thinking about how we do work.

The Show we went to today was filled with people demonstrating their craft and showing finished products. These people do what they do for the love of it. They are very good at it, but I don't know that many of them try to make a living by doing it. The various types of work my Dad recalls from his youth is more of the latter. In his growing up years they did do the basic work themselves and didn't have many choices. You either did it yourself, hired it done, or did without. Besides farming crops and caring for animals, my Dad mentions people in his life doing bee-keeping, running mills to process food, building log houses, building stone chimneys, digging wells, and repairing fences. I remember my grandmother made most of her own clothes from bought fabric. I remember my mom talking about churning butter. Mostly, the people in their lives did these things because they had to. Some of them, like my grandfather, loved it, too.

How do I see these things in my life? I tend to be in the first category. I love to make things. I like to create useful and beautiful things, which I can point to and say, "I made that." I don't have to do it, but it allows me to put something of me into my surroundings. The people among whom my parents were around as children worked hard providing many basic items for themselves. These days, we have a multitude of labor saving devices to make our lives easier and a huge marketplace to shop for everything else. But are we better off? Materially, yes. But, we have lost something in the process. We saved our labor so that we could do lots of other things that our forebears never did or perhaps never wanted to do. We are just as busy, but don't really have that much more to show for it. Most of us have no idea how to make the things we use in our everyday lives.

There is part of me that wants to turn the clock back in some ways. If only we could keep the best parts of both worlds. I don't have time to make most of my family's clothes. But if I didn't do a lot of other things, I could make a few special outfits. I don't have time or inclination to run a farm, but if I didn't do a lot of other things, I could have a decent kitchen garden to supply us with fresh produce. I don't want to make all of my foods from scratch, but I have the equipment and inclination to make homemade bread on occasion. I could even grind the flour myself, since I have a modern electric powered grain mill. I would love to embrace so many different areas of "Do It Yourself" that I wouldn't have time for the rest of my life. Today at the show, I fell in love with the idea of spinning threads and weaving cloth. There were many beautiful examples of people's work that I would like to do too.

I remember briefly wanting to be a fashion designer when I was in High School. I like clothing with a difference. But, I haven't worn much in years that has that bit of quirky something that I love. I don't find that kind of thing in the stores much. If I sewed my own clothing, I would still be using patterns and fabric bought at the store (meaning many of the same styles found in the stores ready made). But, seeing the handmade fabrics and clothing made from them was like opening a window to new possibilities. The last clothing I made that had the quirkiness I like, was a vest that I made from quilting scraps. I copied a vest that I already had, but made it with a quilted front in a design of my own. Whenever I wear it I get comments from people. Unfortunately, I made it when I was twenty pounds lighter. Since It has gotten harder to button, I don't wear it nearly so often. But, I still got the feeling, today, that I could be that designer I wanted to be and wear my own designs. I could enjoy the creative process and satisfaction that comes from making things well.


Unfortunately, these things are not very compatible with young kids. I can't picture myself doing much of anything lately except basic food, chores, homeschooling, and keeping track of some very active kids for the next six months. Did I mention that the happy boy learned to walk and is on the verge of running? I remember this age with his sisters. It was near chaos every day until they got to be about 18 months old. I'm more experienced now, so I am able to get dinner on the table a little more predictably. But, a new hobby isn't going to happen any time soon. But I would still love to find the peace and satisfaction my ancestors had in doing their daily work, telling stories and doing craft work in the evenings and slowing down life a lot. We don't really need to be chasing after all the things we try to do. I love the ideal of simplifying. It is just a lot of hard work to achieve.

A few funny things

It's been a while since I last posted so I thought that I would treat you to a few funny things that came up recently. For instance: Our two year old's fortune cookie told her that "A small vocabulary doesn't necessarily indicate a small mind." We thought that was hilarious.

Our two year old has also taken to pretending to be a cat. She will crawl around the house (or outside even) meowing plaintively (much like our calico). She will plop down in front of you (much like our tabby). Then decide to get up on her back legs and lick any exposed flesh (also like our tabby).

Our four year old has taken to the movie Alice in Wonderland and especially likes the Jabberwocky poem (which she has seen on the muppets by the way... you can find it on YouTube). Daddy has had to memorize it for her since she wants it recited so much. And because of this we had an idea for a name for our homeschool. You see, under our State laws, we will need to register as a private school with a school name once our students are of age to be legally required to attend school. We have another year yet to do this registration, but we knew about it and have been debating over a name. On one blog site my husband found advice on choosing names. They suggested looking out your window and using what you see as your name (e.g.: Greenlawn Academy or Pinon Wood Academy). We debated options with our lawn. We could be Terrace View Academy or Fruit Orchard Academy or Pomegranate Tree Academy. None off it seemed to have any character or personality that fit the strangeness that we consider our family. So... back to the idea for a name. We think we are now (in our own minds at least) to be called "Tulgey Wood Academy". Whether "Tulgey Wood" is two words or one in the name is still up for debate. As you can see, I am on the two word side of the debate.

I've been simplifying a few things lately. Getting rid of dishware that we have literally never used, excess stuffed animals, and books that we no longer needed. We still have a lot of clutter, but it takes a lot of time to simplify and organize. We are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for the big backyard construction project. We have finished pouring concrete for the pathways and are now working on the patio. Hopefully, by the end of today we will have the patio one third done. After the concrete comes paving stones, then backfilling around the paved areas, then landscaping with plants and finally some sort of wood chip ground cover and ground cloths to keep down the weeds. The wood chips are especially important for the climbing/slide play contraption which is currently on hard dirt. After all that, I think my husband wants to take a break and let me do some of the jobs I have in mind inside the house (like painting).

"You've got your hands full!"

I know that I've mentioned in previous posts that when I take the kids out on errands places, someone somewhere always seems to say "you've got your hands full!" I usually respond with something like, "Yes, I do." Frequently, my husband or someone at church will see me piling on various bags and grabbing the baby carrier and say "let me carry some of that". This usually surprises me since I am used to doing it all myself, plus herding a four year old and a two year old. Add to this a class at church that has the purpose of causing self-examination to result in being a better servant of God (which requires change). Then I have just finished reading a book entitled "Breathe: Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life," by Keri Wyatt Kent. All of these things have got me thinking a lot about how I do my life.

As a mother of three young children, life is going to be a little crazy right now just because of that. But, I've struggled with the idea that I'm not doing things that I used to do. I have also noticed that there are not enough hours in the day to do what needs to be done (at least not without sacrificing sleep and sanity). In my class at church, we have talked about looking at one's life to see what God is already doing and join him in that work. In my life, the only thing I see God doing or desiring me to do right now is to raise my children as he would have me do. Now, that is a plenty big job. However, in realizing this it has allowed me to take a deep breath and relax and let go of those feelings of discontent about letting go of past responsibilities. It also frees me from pursuing too many discontented ideas about what I want my future to look like. I can live in the present and deal with my life as I have it now.

While reading the book, I feel like I have seen clues to what my life needs. Slowing down as much as I can to enjoy each day and my time with my family is not only a desire of mine, but would be good for me. I have to watch the temptation to over schedule my time or my kids' time. Working in rest in my days and weeks is important. Keeping a close eye on priorities and how everyday choices are affected by them or drift away from them is crucial. I also need to allow myself to have time for me without guilt.

It wasn't until tonight though, that I realized that the comments people have been telling me everywhere I go may be God trying to point something out to me. I need to realize that I have a really big job being a mother to these three kids. I already knew this of course, but I was in denial in the sense that I thought that if I was good enough and learned enough tricks, I could shrink it to a more manageable size. No, being a parent is a God-sized job and I need his help to do it. I also realized that I try to do too much myself. Oh, I can do it (like carrying all the bags and herding the kids at the same time), but it would be better for me to get other people to help me when I need help, more than I currently do.

All this tells me that some things need to change in my life, and they need to be serious, major changes and well as small everyday ones. I'm not sure yet, what they all will be yet. I have some ideas floating around in my head. But slowing down is not something you do in a hurry. And, simplifying life is complex, because life and the world we live in are complex.

One thing that will continue is homeschooling. There are many valid reasons to put children in public or private schools, but for us, with our feelings of conviction about what we need to do to raise our kids, homeschooling is it. The Bible plainly teaches that the parents are responsible to God for their children's education. For us, we feel that we can best fulfill that responsibility by teaching our own kids. In fact, we started homeschooling with merely academic ideas in mind. Now, we are seeing more evidence that their spiritual education is equally important. I think we all know that children learn best by watching how the people around them live. If we live out our faith as we teach it to our children all day and every day, it will be much more effective than teaching them "knowledge" about our faith and then send them out to spend most of the day around people who do not share this faith and/or are actively trying to undermine it. Does this fit into a scenario of slowing down and simplifying? Absolutely! Each child can be taught in a tailor-made fashion exactly what they need at a pace that fits them. And we don't have to undo the problems that arise from our kids learning either the wrong things from a teacher hostile to our world-view or innappropriate things from other kids. Teaching a child (especially one that wants to learn) is actually easier than most people think (I think teaching kids in groups of 20-30 is the hard part).

Another thing that will continue is the basic church activities that we already do. Not only does our church have a good children's program and we like what we hear our children learning from the various classes they are in, it is good for them to be around kids who are different (you know... not raised by the same parents as our kids are). My husband and I also find our usual church activities rejuvenating. It also provides most of our social life.

What about the housework, remodeling, relandscaping, recreation, finances, etc.? There are things in our life that we put there because we wanted them rather than needed them. We can do some pruning out of some of the blatantly unhelpful. However, I still think that most of these other things in our lives are helpful and important. We need to learn to balance them out better. Since I have mentioned my desire for simplifying to my husband, I suspect that he fears that I'm going to go on a rampage and start tossing out everything and make drastic changes. That type of reaction is tempting to me (a friend once said that I should have been Amish because of my love of simplicity), but I know it wouldn't work any better than a crash diet works for someone who wants to lose weight and keep it off.

As I figure out what I'm doing and changing to make life more focused and simple and fulfilling, I'll keep sharing my progress.