Life continues to change

I have been pondering lately how things have changed. I like to do that every so often so that I don't just let life pass by without notice. Birthday season has just ended for our kids and I've been noticing that having a 7 year old, a 5 year old and a 3 year old is different than what we have experienced before. The Pillowfight Fairy (age 7) is acting like a second grader in her love of silly and gross things. She also has been showing a lot of teenagerish angst. This of course makes me wonder what is in store for the future.

The Adrenaline Junkie (age 5) is making the preschooler to kindergartener transition. She is becoming slightly more aware of what's going on around her and she finds it upsetting. No longer does she see her brother running away from her and think: "oooh... a game of chase!" No, now she starts wailing and crying that she's going to lose her brother. Instead of enjoying the Fantasia 2000 video like she used to, she cries for a half hour over what would happen to Donald Duck if he didn't get on the ark. Our older one went through a similarly emotional transition. But, I try to take it in stride and see it as part of her development as she grows older and gains maturity. The constant tears are annoying, but it shows that she is starting to make connections and think more deeply than she previously did. I suspect this means that we will probably be able to make more progress with her schooling in the coming year. Ironically, I was an extremely emotional child growing up and found that my tendency to give in to tears constantly, hurt me in the long run. As a result I don't have much sympathy with the constant crying and whining.

The Happy Boy (age 3) is not a toddler anymore. He is acting more like a big kid. He enjoys many of the same things that his sisters enjoy. They even play well together on occasion. One of his biggest strengths and also one of his biggest weaknesses is that he is more self-sufficient than his sisters at that age. In other words, he will do what he can for himself, instead of asking for help. While a good thing in general, sometimes problems would be prevented if he would simply ask for help.

It feels a little odd not having a baby or toddler anymore. We do miss having a tiny little child in the family, but they sure are a lot of work. I understand why people stop after having only one or two kids. As the kids get older, the physical labor I was doing gets easier. Two of my kids can mostly dress themselves, are potty trained and can take their dishes to the kitchen when they are through with them. I see that as a tremendous help in my work load. My youngest enjoys helping me bring in the groceries and sorting the laundry. I can tell you, that I look forward to the day when I've taught the kids to cook and to clean the house effectively. A shared load is so much easier to bear.

Of course with older kids come the more complicated problems. Relationship issues, hormones, power struggles, mind games, are some of the things I am not looking forward to. As with all things you lay the foundations of the later lessons while they are still small. So I keep trying to teach them how to treat people with respect and kindness. Though I sometimes think just teaching good table manners and that not every activity is a competition is far harder than I imagined.

When my parents used to complain that I was stubborn, I would respond that I came by it honestly from both sides of the family. Sigh.... I suspect Tim and I will hear and see a lot of ourselves echoed in our children in the coming years.

I'm getting in that mood again...

This blog is supposed to be about my war with chaos and how I keep trying to bring order to my world even though having three young kids works against my efforts. I must be feeling better lately, because I've been getting in the mood to start another assault on chaos. I've been noticing a large number of toys that aren't getting played with much and toys that are being out-grown. I've been trying to finish up some left over projects (though I did start new ones of sewing dresses). I'm trying to retake the garden from the weeds. Every time I turn around I see some area of the house that can use some heavy-duty organizing or simplification.

Maybe this mood is prompted by my renewed energy now that I am no longer pregnant and have made good progress in recovering from childbirth. Or maybe it is caused by my realization that if I'm going to start school with the kids in July, I only have this month to get some things done before I "go back to work" as it were. Whatever the cause, I have the itch to be productive. Here is a look at some of the things going on lately:

1. Reclaiming the garden. I've actually been working at this for a few weeks now. I've been trying to get out and weed the garden a few afternoons a week while the kids play outside after lunch. I don't always get a lot of time at it, since the Happy Boy has been wanting more attention from me lately. But I've pulled the weeds out of a few rows that were actually producing vegetables. Then I went to the plant nursery and the girls helped me pick out some vegetable plants to fill up the empty spaces. I've also been a little more regular in watering the garden. Perhaps we can get some drip irrigation put in to help with that soon. The plants that still survive the Spring planting are: cabbage, broccoli, carrots, and onion. We did have spinach and snow peas, but we finished those up already. We also have a clump of chives that came up from last year's garden (which never came up last year). The new vegetables are a cherry tomato plant, some pepper plants, some garlic and several stalks of corn. I also planted green beans in place of the snow peas.

2. I finished and framed my last needlepoint project. Now I just have to find a place to hang it. That will have to wait until we have framed a picture of Baby E. then we can find places for all our new framed pictures at the same time.

3. I have been putting away baby things that we plan to keep a while just in case we need them again. I have also been planning what things can be gotten rid of (like some baby toys) since the Happy Boy is outgrowing them. I'm hoping my umbrella strollers will hold out until I can trust him to walk with me obediently. With all of the walking we do, they are showing the wear.

4. I have made two summer dresses for the girls within the deadline I had for myself (sorry, no pictures available yet). Now I am starting the Pillowfight Fairy's fancy occasion dress. So far it is merely a bag of fabric and a cut out paper pattern. I will try to have it done by the end of the month so that I can spend July doing one for the Adrenaline Junkie.

5. To help free up some shelf space for the coming year's schoolwork, I bought a comb-binder machine to help me bind old schoolwork in preparation for storing it away in the garage. Unfortunately, with the Adrenaline Junkie starting school with me this year, we still need more space for books and binders. I'm still investigating what possibilities are left to us to solve the problem. Tim and I have already thinned out our books as far as we are comfortable with. I think I will just have to clear off the top of a filing cabinet we have in the living room and make that the designated school work stacking spot. It is either that or buy new bookshelves to replace some smaller ones currently in use.

6. I'm also thinking that some of our kitchen is not utilized properly. It would be nice to clear off some counter space and reorganize some of my cabinets for better storage. The kids' craft supplies shouldn't be in the kitchen. Neither should I have an entire cabinet for storing plastic grocery bags. Food preparation would be so much easier if I didn't have half my counter space covered with clutter. And one of these days I really ought to put up the curtains I bought for the kitchen (five years ago!).

So what do you think? Is it possible to get finished with all this before July? Maybe not all of it. But I hope to do most of it. I was slowed down a little this past week by sick kids (and me too). My biggest problem is putting too many things on my to do list. I haven't mentioned all of the other things that I dream about doing but don't think will get done any time soon. Ah... maybe I'm learning to be content with those things I can't change right now. It is hard to have contentment when you're trying to change the status quo.

Confirmation that the Happy Boy is acting older

Over the past few days, I've been retiring old baby toys and generally removing some of the clutter of toys from our living room. As a result of this, I saw little change in my son's activities. So far, so good. I was removing toys that he didn't play with. Today, In the process of helping my girls clean away some unneeded items from their room, I decided to move the playmobile toys to the living room to be shared toys. These are the playmobile toys that are appropriate for 1 1/2 year-olds and up (fewer moving parts). I figured that he has only 2 more months to go to meet the age limit and he already loves to play with them every time he has managed to get in his sisters' room.

The result of this experiment? All of the kids play with the playmobile toys more. However, the Happy Boy is in heaven. He is playing with these toys for an hour or so at a time, with no complaints (except from his sisters if they are playing at the same time, he tends to act like Godzilla). The clutter is back in the living room, but it is a clutter from a different kind of toy. It is also the clutter of a well played with set, rather than the pick-up and drop five seconds later scenario we had before.

So what kind of play is this boy doing? The usual pretend play. He helps the playmobile people go down a slide. He puts them in cars. He puts them in and out of houses. This is pretty standard, I realize. But it shows that he isn't that far off from playing like his sisters do. It gives me hope that in about a year, they might actually be able to play together (all three) at times.

How are the girls handling the changes? Quite well actually. I've moved toys and books around and had them help me select which stuffed animals to keep. They know that many of the toys are going to be given new homes. It doesn't seem to bother them a bit. I'm sure that it will bother them the next time they want a particular toy and we don't have it anymore. But, that too is part of learning about life and the consequences of one's decisions. As for their play habits, I noticed them doing something new the other day. They were playing "Cinderella." They would take turns being Cinderella and the Fairy Godmother (or Fairy Grandmother according to the Adrenaline Junkie). They acted out the key events of the story in a whirlwind short version that took no more than five minutes. I think their Daddy's wish that they get involved in drama will probably come true because every time they finished, they would switch off roles and do it again. They entertained themselves like this for at least an hour straight.

Let me tell you...any time kids these ages can entertain themselves for an hour straight, it is a blessing from God. If I hadn't been suffering from a cold this week, Life would have been perfectly blissful. Well, OK, they did cry and complain and whine a little this week too. But they always do that. I'm trying to count my blessings.

Change happens in very little time

It is striking me once again, how fast a baby grows up. About a month ago, my son was mobile and into everything. I could barely do anything but follow him around to keep him out of trouble. Now, he actually follows directions (like "sit down on the chair, you aren't allowed to climb on the table.") He is getting better at pointing at what he wants, since he isn't saying much at all. You can only communicate so much with grunts, squeals, giggles, and wails. Fortunately, he has also begun to like me to read his picture books to him where we name the pictures. I'm consciously putting more time into that to help him learn the names for things, in hopes that he will start to say the names. A few weeks ago, he would run off having no interest in books at all.

I remember this time with my girls. When the Pillowfight Fairy was this age, she was also barely containable and I was pregnant with the Adrenaline Junkie. I remember at the grocery store, asking mothers of a toddler and baby how far apart in age their kids were. I was all the time trying to figure out how one manages two kids with very different needs while still doing the necessary errands. I needn't have worried so much. Once the Fairy turned 18 months, she began to turn into an older child who was easier to manage. I saw the same thing happen with the Adrenaline Junkie when I was pregnant with the Happy Boy. This time I'm beginning to see it with the Happy Boy (perhaps noticing it earlier, since it is a familiar thing now). He is still a handful, but I'm seeing the beginnings of a new life with an older child.

I suppose it is a tendency that all people have: to see what the present circumstances are, and assume the future continues on in that fashion. The reality is that change happens and it happens quickly.

The Adrenaline Junkie showed no interest in letters at the same age as her sister. She had different interests, but then we got a leap frog video teaching the alphabet and she had the letters and their sounds mastered in no time. She was never as interested in drawing as her sister. Her Sunday craft papers were barely scribbled for the longest time. She was too busy running around to sit down and draw. Then a few months back, she decided that scribbling was a fun thing to do. Then suddenly one day, she was drawing recognizable people figures and writing mostly legible letters of the alphabet. As my husband noted in a recent post, she is starting to sound out words. She is beginning to be ready to read at age 3 1/2 just like her sister. I would never have guessed it. She always seemed to be less interested in academics and more interested in climbing and running. Now she wants school work, too. She still has a tendency to wiggle off her seat, so I'll have to keep any teaching to just a few minutes at a time at first.

The Pillowfight Fairy has been changing, too. But in her case it has been more subtle. It has to do with her making choices to do group things (like Christian Day camp) when she has a very strong loner tendency and has often complained about how she doesn't get along with the other kids. She is also becoming more aware of her surroundings. It is like she is starting to pick up a small amount of perspective. She is more aware of the passage of time. She is more aware of the fact that people buy and sell and she would like to do some of that to get what she wants. She complained bitterly about schoolwork, and now that it is over she keeps wanting to get started on the new year of books. Her craft projects have demonstrated her increased mastery of words and art and numbers.

In each case, I see a little glimpse of the future in my children. So now that I've mostly got the next school year planned out. I need to turn my attention to a late spring cleaning and getting ready for the next phase. I can see it coming around the corner. It's trying to sneak up on me. The youngest is outgrowing his changing table. He is wanting to do big kids stuff like coloring and looking at books with thin pages. The middle child wants to be like her older sister and use glue, tape and scissors. The oldest wants to do all sorts of things she hasn't even thought of yet, but as soon as she knows about them, she's all for it. I need to sort through everybody's toys and thin out what isn't played with anymore. I need to start rearranging what toys are in the living room to be shared by everyone. I need to make room in each bedroom. For the girls, they will eventually need room for more older kid stuff, that their brother still can't play with. For the Happy Boy, he will need a new bed by the time he turns two next February. Since we are trying to have another baby and since any such baby would be sharing a room with him, we can't remove all the baby furniture yet. But we will need to make it more workable for an older Happy Boy.

Now, I love planning what needs to be done. I have always planned for the future (usually long before it is needed). But, This kind of planning, where one tries to balance the different needs of so many people when they are all in a state of change, reminds me of juggling. The attention is drawn to the most immediate action needed, but you can't completely ignore the other items yet, since they are on an incoming path, too. There is multi-tasking and then there is multi-tasking. This is some heavy multi-tasking. Hopefully, I can get the basic outline of a plan set up before I start the new year of school with the girls. Isn't summer just a wonderfully relaxing time of year (said with heavy sarcasm). I find myself looking forward to fall when I can get into a regular routine.

Another loss

A couple of weeks ago I felt another loss. This time it was the father of a good high school friend. But, that description doesn't seem to do him justice. Our families were close as far back as I can remember. In fact, his two boys stayed the night with us when their sister was born. He and my father served together as elders for decades. We camped together. I sang on the praise team with his wife. I went to college with his son, who I considered one of my few really good friends from high school on. I hung out at their house nearly every Saturday night for three or four years straight.

Although I didn't have a super-close relationship with this man, our lives were lived in close proximity. He was like a second father or an uncle. I was completely comfortable to be myself in his presence as if I were in my own family. Some people get uncomfortable around "The Elders", but I tended to see them as just my Dad and my old family friends. This particular man, who had the memorable name of Browning, was not just an Elder, but chairman of the Elders. He cared about people deeply. He had the gift of hopitality, teaching, administration, and service. He was active in church service at the time of his death. He is sorely missed by family, friends, the whole church he worked with, and untold number of people who were touched by his life.

Browning was not all that old by my reckoning (of course that changes as I age). He was about 67. He had a few chronic health issues, but you wouldn't know it by looking at him. His death was a surprise to everybody. Usually, we expect people to have obvious failing health, a retirement from active involvement in the business of life, and then death comes after some lingering illness. We don't expect it to come so suddenly.

I haven't been able to figure out if I'm feeling his loss more because I cared about him that much, or if I am hurting for my friend who has lost a father, or if I am realizing that this is another of my parent's generation to go and I begin to miss my own parents already. It is probably a little of all of the above. I've been to more memorial services in the past couple of years than I ever had in my previous ten (which included the deaths of my own grandparents). Maybe I'm just realizing the fragility of life a little more personally than I used to.

Whatever the reasons, I will miss seeing Browning's smile the next time I visit my home church. He was a good man, and I'm glad that he was a part of my life.

Don't you hate it when you feel God correcting you?

Several times in the last week, I have been feeling God correcting me about a personality flaw. I have joked about it and taken an unbecoming pride in it and now I need to work at changing it.

I have a mercy problem. That is I need to work my mercy muscles so that they can do the work God has me to do. I began to realize this in the past week when the Pillowfight fairy was starting to show problem behaviors as a result from anxiety, and I was trying to force her to push through it and toughen up. I suppose I felt the need to push, because I am an adult and I can see no good reason for her fears. But, when I look back to my own childhood, I see myself as an equally fearful kid. I remember the terror I had at things that were perfectly ordinary and the frustration the rest of the family had with me. I was labeled a "sensitive child" by my teachers and a "Cry-baby" by my peers. I wanted to give my daughter a different road, and in the process, I didn't see that she is a sensitive child and I need to be understanding instead of playing the meany.

I remember hearing a variety of stories (I think one of them is in Anne of Green Gables) where someone acknowledges a flaw of theirs but tells the person they are talking to that "that's just the way I am, you'll have to get used to it." The other person replies that such an attitude is crazy. Whether the habit is outbursts of anger, tactlessness, or in my case a lack of mercy when it is needed, the proper response is to try to change for the better. I have no right to hold on to hurtful habits out of selfishness. So I am going to try to turn over a new leaf and learn to show mercy to my children more. I will try to learn to use gentleness in getting around problems as much as I can.

Lately, the Pillowfight Fairy seems to be needing more one-on-one time with Mommy, so I will start there. I will do more of our daily activities with her instead of sending her off to do things on her own (freeing me up for other stuff). It is tempting to try to rush her growing up for my own convenience, but although she looks old enough to be seven or eight (because of her height mostly), she is only five and needs the gentleness that most five year-olds need. I remember that I was always tall for my age and so was mistaken for an older child. But, I was really slightly behind in my emotional development. I suspect my oldest girl is the same way. I'll try to remember what it was like to be that age a little more as I help her navigate the ups and downs of her life.

One thing leads to another

I've been busy lately trying to get our finances back in order, so I haven't been blogging much in the evenings (also why my husband's blogging has been somewhat curtailed). But I thought that my latest endeavor was worth a posting. We were recently blessed with hand-me-down furniture.

About half of the furniture in our house falls into that category, so this isn't a new phenomenon for us. However the furniture itself is new to us and requires some rearranging to fit in. We were given a dining table with chairs and a hutch to match. Our dining room has never looked so nice. Our china and pretty things now occupy the hutch and can be seen. They have rarely seen the light of day since our wedding seven and a half years ago. Our former dining room table was a utilitarian table and set of six metal folding chairs that we were given. It was practical but not very pretty. I'm very into practical things. We folded up the table and it is now in the garage waiting for its next job. The folding chairs are supplementing our new chairs and also awaiting new orders.

It's a funny thing about new furniture. Once you start moving and rearranging things, you start to realize that your old furniture doesn't have to be in that place it has been for the last several years and you start to think about the what-ifs in your house. What if we moved that bookcase here? What if we moved that table there? You see how the thinking goes.

So, the new hutch is now housing items that used to be in an old drawer set that would be better situated in a bedroom. The girls' room is too full for new furniture, but the baby's room might be able to use it. But to put the drawer set in the baby's room requires moving out my old desk that is currently being used as a changing table.

You know, I've been wishing for a desk again. I don't like sharing Tim's desk and eventually hope to get a computer of my own. But the best place for the desk is now occupied by filing cabinets. Well.... one of the filing cabinets can fit under the desk, it was like that originally. But the other one needs a new home. It matches the wood of our big bookcases in the living room. But, to place it properly, so it doesn't stick out oddly into the room, it would need to go between the computer desk and the bookcases. That means that we would need to move the bookcases over about ten to twelve inches.

And since we are changing things in the baby's room (and are hoping someday that he will have to share that room with a sibling) we could unclutter that room some by moving out a bookcase and decorative table that belonged to my grandmother. Where to put them... hmm... There's the Master bedroom. I can find a place for the bookcase, but to move the table in there is trickier. There are two choices for it. It can either stand at the foot of our bed with no purpose at all except to look pretty (it's not terribly stable on its own), or it can be placed in the corner where it can be propped in place by two other pieces of furniture and be a nice display location for my antique clock that currently sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace (behind the child-proof fence of course) where it has been gathering dust in an undignified manner for the last four years. I like the option where I get to move the clock off the floor, but that means we have another small drawer set to move to an as-yet-undecided location.

As soon as I started talking about moving furniture around, my husband knew he was in for trouble. All of this requires some serious work. Who really wants to unload two large bookcases just to move them along a wall ten inches? But the more I thought about where things could go I realized that they should have been in those places all along and I didn't realize it.

So far this is all that has been moved: the new dining room furniture has been put in place, the set of drawers that had been in the dining room is now waiting in the entryway for its turn to move, the kitchen cabinets have been cleared of many things (opening up new space), and a bookcase and rickety table are now in the master bedroom. But considering that I did a fair amount of those last few items on my own while watching three kids, things are going well. Tim jokes that I'm going to have to stay within the laws of physics in my planning. Hey... at least I'm not suggesting moving any walls. That's what my Mom is famous for in my family.

Kids grow up and change

During the past week or so, we have been having the toughest time with our eldest daughter the Pillowfight Fairy. She just turned five and it seems like this tremendous change in her life necessitates retesting all the boundaries and making sure the foundations of her life are still dependable. Because of this, I've been trying to figure out what is going on in her head and how to make this transition easier for all of us. I haven't got that figured out yet, but in the process I've been reflecting on how change hits kids and how they transition from one period of life to the next.

When we started homeschooling the Pillowfight Fairy, she was not quite four years old, but already reading and understanding her numbers and basic mathmatical concepts. At the time I knew that the preschool programs described to me were not academically advanced enough for where she was, but kindergarten was socially beyond what she could relate to. So I tried to come up with some way of giving a preschool-thinking child the school age academics she was showing that she was ready for. It was hardest at the beginning when I wasn't sure what to try. We would try short little tasks since she had trouble sitting very long and spend more time on what caught her attention. She would spend hours reading with me, drawing or doing dot-to-dots, but could stand no more than a few minutes of "lessons."

As we went along, she made progress in many areas. Her abilities improved and her attention span improved. Right now, she is doing work beyond Kindergarten level, but I still call her a Kindergartener since that fits her age and social interactions best. I was always frustrated that Preschool level material and books talking about Preschoolers would give an accurate view of a child of that age and the maturity level the child has, but not help much with teaching a child who's academic readiness was beyond that which was the average expected. When I would go to Kindergarten level material it was aimed at an older child who had a greater maturity level, which wasn't appropriate for my preschooler. Also, books talking about teaching Kindergarten and elementary age children assumed a maturity level that my daughter hadn't reached yet. I didn't find anything that helped with my problem or even explained that a transition needs to happen between the preschool age and the school age. I didn't make a thorough search, but the only book that I found that explained a transition in the way children mature was "Your Baby's Mind and How It Grows: Piaget's Theory for Parents," by Mary Ann Spencer Pulaski, published in 1978.

This book is all about how the child thinks at different ages starting at birth and continuing level by level until adulthood. According to the book, around ages 4-7 a child makes a mental transition from "the world is magical and all about me" to a prelogical or intuitive stage that starts leaving the magic thinking behind. I haven't found any other books that deal with a transition around this age that takes a child from preschool thinking to school age thinking. The book did help me understand earlier changes with the infant stages.

I remember when our oldest was a baby how astonished we would be that she would suddenly be able to do something she previously couldn't and then do it like she always knew how. It was exactly like someone flipped a switch and the new way became the new norm. We watched her make transitions as a baby. She made the transition to the dreaded "terrible twos" fairly easily. The transition when she turned three was much harder. We thought we had things stabilized, then she went through another hard transition when she turned four. Now that she is turning five, I notice that this transition seems to be the hardest so far.

Some of the things that I have noticed is that she is aware of change around her. I think she is somewhat aware that she is seeing things differently, but isn't sure how to deal with it. She is starting to understand plot-lines in videos that went over her head before. She is starting to get jokes (especially the really bad jokes that five year olds love). She is starting to ask questions about deep things like death. We recently were given some wonderful Beatrix Potter story DVDs that combines a live action Beatrix Potter with watercolor animation telling the stories. She adores the stories, but these stories deal with life and death, with good and evil. She has been in tears more than once over what happens in the stories, but she wants them again. My theory is that she is needing to figure out these important ideas and she is drawn back again so she can think about it. She worries that Daddy won't come home when we are driving home in separate cars. At the same time she wants to dictate to us how she wants things to be and we have to remind her that we are the parents and she is the child not the other way around.

She is going through one of life's major transitions. She is starting to see the world with clearer vision. She is starting to get glimses of difficult concepts. She is starting to be open to new ideas and information. She is learning to be more independent. She is learning to interact with other people and understand that they are "other" and not participants in her latest imaginings. She is learning to think differently. I think this is that unmentioned transition that makes all the difference between the preschooler and the school age child. I'm not sure if it is just that kids don't like change so these transitions are just naturally bumpy. Or maybe the difficulty of the transition has more to do with what the individual's tolerance level for change is. But, this is looking like a doozy of a transition we are going through. Change is hard both for the Pillowfight Fairy and for us. But, I am looking forward to the new world on the other side.

In the meantime, if anyone has come across any helpful information that talks about this transitional time, I would love to hear more about it. I'm guessing that our worst bumps are at the beginning when we aren't ready or expecting a change. But, so far these transitions she has gone through have taken months to calm down to a new equilibrium. A little more understanding of the process might help.

I recently picked up some new books...

Doesn't that sound lovely! New books! Have I ever mentioned that I like books. I particularly like sitting down and reading books that I find interesting. Most of the time however, I read books that are at best amusing children's books. On average they are children's books that I found amusing at one time before I read them hundreds of times (literally). At worst, they are terribly dull. Every now and then, I get to read something that interests me. I have many interests, however, and little time. So, my selections usually involve some area of my life that is of everyday importance. In this case, homeschooling our oldest daughter (and eventually the other kids). I had a chance the other day to spend a few minutes browsing at our local homeschool supply store (just at the edge of our neighborhood!). I decided to pick up the following volumes:

First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind, by Jessie Wise. This is a lesson book on teaching the language arts (minus spelling) to first and second graders. I've already looked through it a good bit and think it will be very useful when I want to start teaching the Pillowfight fairy grammar. I think it is a good blend of structured instruction and casual kid-friendly teaching. I think it will probably work for us.

Drawing with Children: a Creative Method for Adult Beginners, Too, by Mona Brookes. This is something that will require a bit more of a leisurely read. Ideally, I would need to do the lessons in the book myself, before trying to teach them to my kids. Since I have never really considered myself very artistic with drawing, it might be a bit of a challenge to rethink the way I do art. However, I like the ideas used in the book (such as everyone can improve from their current ability and people do learn to draw better with some actual instruction whether or not they show any aptitude). This book presents art instruction for kids as young as two and all the way up to adults. In encourages taking it slow, following the development of the artist. It is basically a book to teach the teacher how to teach drawing. Considering how much the Pillowfight Fairy loves art, I know we need to do some kind of art instruction to keep her advancing. Natural ability will get you only so far, training will help her take it as far as she can.

My opportunity to read these books is not just research into what is coming up for our homeschooling in the future. It is carving out time for Mommy to do something I choose. There are so many things that need to be done. I am behind in so much of the housework and paperwork. I hate clutter and all of the surfaces are piled up again. So, I am fighting the good fight against clutter. I am starting to slowly get those "behind" jobs caught up again. Yet, in the midst of it all, I need to do something for me, too. Sometimes that is an afternoon nap when I need it. Sometimes it's getting out my needlepoint project (which has been in progress for more than a year now). Sometimes it is getting to read a new book. I am learning to put a little something for me into the day. It helps me relax, improves my mood, and helps me cope with the never ending problems that keep coming up (the latest of which are a dying water heater and repairs on the minivan after a collision). I have hopes that I will get better at finding time for rejuvenating things in my life. Because we all know that the problems will keep coming no matter what we do. But, anything that we can do to help the burden seem lighter or to improve our own outlook is a worthwhile endeavor.

Toys: the love-hate relationship

I think that it is a truism that all parents have a love-hate relationship with toys. We love them when they are fun and make our kids happy. We love when a kid will play with a toy for long periods of time allowing the parent to do something else than try to come up with another idea for a bored kid. However, parents also do not like picking up the toys or nagging their kids to pick up toys. Then there is the trauma of when to part ways with a toy. My theory is that a young child will never knowingly part with a toy even if they haven't played with it since they first got it. Lately, many different ideas about toys have been playing around in my brain, so I thought that I would share some of those thoughts and see if I can get ideas from others about how to manage the toys. This is where I am getting back to the original idea of my blog. Toys lend themselves to more chaos, and I am a person who tries to beat back the encroaching hordes (or hoards?).

To begin, I am a very pragmatic person. When we first had our first child, my husband was surprised when I kept buying toys for her. He thought that I would see that as extravagant. Actually, I saw toys at that time as my child's work. She needed toys to assist her in the various stages of development. She needed to learn various skills. If I thought an appropriate skill for her age was being neglected, I looked for a toy that would help build and develop that skill for her. Ah... the newbie I was. I felt so proud of myself for limiting myself. I didn't buy electronic toys or battery operated toys. I didn't buy toys with TV characters all over them. We had limited space at the time in our tiny apartment, so we kept the toys small and simple. We still have many of those toys and I consider many of them the basics that will be used with all of our kids (blocks, balls, mirrors, rattles, soft books, toy piano, baby safe music box, tiny stuffed animals). Looking back from my current perspective, however, I purchased things that seemed like a good idea at the time, but didn't catch our daughter's interest or were inconvenient (non-machine washable plush toys). I discovered that our daughter found chewing on my shoelaces to be so fascinating that she would sit at my foot (literally) and chew on my shoelaces and play with them for the better part of an hour. Yes, she would play with the other toys, too. But, they kept having to be changed out for something "new" because her interest would wane. Then, when she started to crawl and pull to a stand, mobility was all she cared about. She wanted to play with the real world (our furniture, books, my husband's harp, door knobs, grass, leaves, dirt). The toys were stand-ins for what we wouldn't let her get at. Fast forward to today and I still see play as my kids work to develop needed skills, but the toys are only temporary tools to aid this endeavor. We bought too many toys. We forgot the truism that the box and the ribbon is more fun than the gift. Kids desire to learn about their world and real life. They don't need to be handed artificial versions if there is a way to give them the real thing safely.

Another thought that has been floating around in my brain lately is how we are inundated with messages that tell us that toys have to be bright and shiny and loud. They need to have lights and beeps and talk to your child. Somehow, if we buy the simpler toy, we are hurting our child's development. Our kids have to have the flashiest gadget that just came out or they will fall behind all the other kids. After all they need to be ready for preschool or they won't be able to be ready for kindergarten. Before you know it you are imagining your kid growing up to flip fast food burgers as a career while all the other kids go off to fabulous careers. Then of course they advertise directly to kids so that they will whine and complain that their lives won't be worth anything if they don't have whatever they are told that they should want. I still remember begging my Mom for a ballerina doll that danced on a special platform. I got it for either Christmas or my birthday and remember being completely disappointed that it not only didn't make me happy, but it wasn't as great as it was made out to be. The kids have no clue that they are being lied to about these things. We as adults have the perspective they lack, but we fall into the trap ourselves. The toy industry is in business to make a profit. Unfortunately, they use a parent's fear of being a bad parent to sell to them and use a kid's complete self-centeredness to sell to them. I've had some of these so called educational toys that are supposed to teach your kids. They don't teach much. Also, there have been studies which I keep seeing in the news that show that kids learn better from a person talking to them than any educational toy. So, where does this leave me in choosing toys for my kids? Don't follow the hype, it usually leads you to a dead end. I have to remember what my long-term goals are for my kids.

Another point that I would like to bring up is rather more mathematical. If every child has only two gift getting occasions a year (birthday and Christmas for us), then by the time they are ten, say, they have had twenty such occasions providing them with new things. Some of this is gotten rid of from time to time as they grow out of certain age appropriate items. But, what if there is a sibling or two. Why bother getting rid of those toys that will be appropriate for the next child. Yet, those children, too, experience gift getting occasions. In a family like ours where the oldest child is approximately 5 (birthday later this month) and the other two children follow pretty much every two years, the accumulation gets to be enormous. Yes, we do get rid of things, but it is a struggle to do so knowing that another kid can benefit from them. Some toys leave by way of destruction. They are simply loved to death and must be disposed of when no longer play appropriate. Some toys are neglected until Mommy can sneak them away and donate them if they are still in good condition. Others, cause trouble and have to be given time-outs. If they can't work out a good play relationship with the kids, they have to go. And every time a baby becomes mobile, I have to retrain the older kids about what the baby can play with and can't play with. It becomes my motivator to get them to pick things up: "Do you want your brother to eat/chew on that?" Then there is simply the issue of space. The older kids' toys (that are not safe for babies) have to be in their room, so that the baby doesn't get at them. There is only so much space available for that. I have also noticed that the more toys, the less they get played with. The kids simply can't see them. It is an issue of not being able to see the individual toys with so many all around them. As you can guess I have been struggling with these latest issues a lot and have been trying to winnow the pile.

When all is said and done, do my kids play with their toys. Yes. But, not usually how those toys were intended. Just yesterday I let my two year old play with some play dough (messy but simple and definitely a keeper). She started out by making a cake. Then she made some other type of food with it. About an hour later, she had found a toy spoon and squished play dough on the bowl part of the spoon. The spoon was a person and the play dough was the person's hair. She was having a nice little play time with her pretend person. Our daughters have wonderful imaginations and use the toys to work as props in their play. A toy is very rarely used as originally intended. Brooms become horses (despite the fact that we have a rocking horse). Shape sorters become airplane hangers. Books become stacking blocks (despite the fact that we have three different sets of stacking blocks not counting legos). Oddly shaped toys are perfect for an original creation of sculpture (sometimes kinetic). A cookie jar lid is a top. They have lots of fun and like to make their own toys from paper too (more props). But even then, there is something that will make them drop their play in a second in anticipation of more fun. What could it be? Going outside. They can either continue their play-acting outside with more natural props or just wander and explore. Sometimes we'll play games or ride on wheeled vehicles of various types, but mostly it is unstructured imagination time and exploring. But best of all... better than any toy... better than outside... Mom or Dad, Grandparents and other relatives and friends giving them attention and loving fun.

So, where does this leave me as I plan for upcoming birthdays and Christmas? How do I manage the toy shuffle as we move things around to be more baby friendly? How do I keep perspective on what my kids need to learn as they play? How much needs to be specific toys? How many props do they need? How much time can I let them have outside (especially when I am still limping and the backyard is still a construction zone)? How can we as parents make more time for our kids to be with us just for play-time? I know the questions. I have some ideas about the physical limitations of what toys we can own. I think that I need to work more on keeping the simple stuff, and eliminating the complicated, flashy, and redundant stuff. But the treasured possessions... that needs to be the relationships.

Sisterly dynamics

I did not have any sisters growing up. I had two older brothers and my growing up years with them provide fodder for many stories. Lately, I have been watching my daughters interact as sisters and have felt both amused and annoyed. They will definitely provide us with many stories in the years to come I am sure. Sometimes I wonder how much of the silliness is just common to kids and how much is because they are our kids. A few examples to amuse your day:

I have noticed in the last few weeks that Adrenalin Junkie, who has always enjoyed pretending, has suddenly gone full blown imaginary world on us. She will open imaginary doors and invite in imaginary beings (usually animals) with whom she will have imaginary conversations and imaginary adventures. Sometimes she puts on her imaginary clothes and equips herself with imaginary tools or toys. It is really quite sweet.

But all is not well in the house for Pillowfight Fairy has a contrary streak at times and will rush up and grab away Adrenalin Junkie's imaginary playmates and toys. Tears follow and I find myself scolding them for taking each others imaginary toys or friends. Usually, I can do this with a straight face and with complete seriousness. But, when I had to discipline the girls the other night and Daddy overheard it and said "What did you say to them?", I see how silly it sounds. Yes, I have to discipline my girls for pretending that they are stealing things from each other that don't exist.

Another thing came up tonight. Pillowfight Fairy had to translate for her sister (the first time that I remember). I saw that the girls had too many wiggles and were headed for trouble, so I suggested putting on some music to dance to. This was agreed to and I asked what music they would like. Adrenalin Junkie piped up immediately saying "Yucky Noodle!" At least that was what it sounded like to me. Obviously I heard her wrong and asked her to say that again. "Yucky Noodle!" was the answer. OK, stop and think, she has trouble saying "L" and it comes out "Y" so maybe she means "Lucky Noodle." No, that doesn't make any sense either. She was starting to get upset that Mommy was being so dense when Pillowfight Fairy explained that she wants "Yankee Doodle." Ahhh! Yes, Adrenalin Junkie agreed. So Mommy finally was able to save the day by putting on the children's song CD that we have which starts with the song "Yankee Doodle." Now we only had to deal with the tears that one kid had dancing slippers and the other one didn't, one wanted to dance with her sister when sister wanted to dance alone, and No Mommy isn't allowed to sing along. Of course when I told their Daddy about the mix up, he had the giggles for the next several minutes, saying "the more I think about it the funnier it is."

Could it be that they are going through emotional upheaval together? I know I had my share of emotional upheaval as a child, but it was egged on by the fact that my brothers spoiled me and let me get away with things if I cried. I think the emotionalism of one may feed off the other. Sometimes they fight. Sometimes they are kind. Sometimes they miss each other and want to be playmates again. Is this what it's like to raise girls? I guess I had better figure it out so that I know how to deal with it.

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As a side note, I have just over another week to go before I get this really, really annoying but very necessary cast off my foot. At that point, they will see how I have healed and decide on the next step (which I hope involves taking steps on it again). I am currently surviving with the kids with lots of help. We have people making us dinners nearly every day and I have ladies coming in the mornings to help me with the kids. I still have to handle all three on my own in the afternoon, but since two of the three kids go down for naps in the afternoon, it isn't as bad. I have also got a few work arounds to help me one of them being a desk chair taking the place of a wheelchair to help me get around. On the down side, Happy Boy decided to start crawling, pulling to a stand and cruising this past weekend. That's just about all he wants to do now and he is getting good fast. It is not a stretch to say that it is now a race to see which one of us will be walking unassisted first. I would usually be happy about such a development, even if it is more work. Now, it is just really awful timing.

"You've got your hands full!"

I know that I've mentioned in previous posts that when I take the kids out on errands places, someone somewhere always seems to say "you've got your hands full!" I usually respond with something like, "Yes, I do." Frequently, my husband or someone at church will see me piling on various bags and grabbing the baby carrier and say "let me carry some of that". This usually surprises me since I am used to doing it all myself, plus herding a four year old and a two year old. Add to this a class at church that has the purpose of causing self-examination to result in being a better servant of God (which requires change). Then I have just finished reading a book entitled "Breathe: Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life," by Keri Wyatt Kent. All of these things have got me thinking a lot about how I do my life.

As a mother of three young children, life is going to be a little crazy right now just because of that. But, I've struggled with the idea that I'm not doing things that I used to do. I have also noticed that there are not enough hours in the day to do what needs to be done (at least not without sacrificing sleep and sanity). In my class at church, we have talked about looking at one's life to see what God is already doing and join him in that work. In my life, the only thing I see God doing or desiring me to do right now is to raise my children as he would have me do. Now, that is a plenty big job. However, in realizing this it has allowed me to take a deep breath and relax and let go of those feelings of discontent about letting go of past responsibilities. It also frees me from pursuing too many discontented ideas about what I want my future to look like. I can live in the present and deal with my life as I have it now.

While reading the book, I feel like I have seen clues to what my life needs. Slowing down as much as I can to enjoy each day and my time with my family is not only a desire of mine, but would be good for me. I have to watch the temptation to over schedule my time or my kids' time. Working in rest in my days and weeks is important. Keeping a close eye on priorities and how everyday choices are affected by them or drift away from them is crucial. I also need to allow myself to have time for me without guilt.

It wasn't until tonight though, that I realized that the comments people have been telling me everywhere I go may be God trying to point something out to me. I need to realize that I have a really big job being a mother to these three kids. I already knew this of course, but I was in denial in the sense that I thought that if I was good enough and learned enough tricks, I could shrink it to a more manageable size. No, being a parent is a God-sized job and I need his help to do it. I also realized that I try to do too much myself. Oh, I can do it (like carrying all the bags and herding the kids at the same time), but it would be better for me to get other people to help me when I need help, more than I currently do.

All this tells me that some things need to change in my life, and they need to be serious, major changes and well as small everyday ones. I'm not sure yet, what they all will be yet. I have some ideas floating around in my head. But slowing down is not something you do in a hurry. And, simplifying life is complex, because life and the world we live in are complex.

One thing that will continue is homeschooling. There are many valid reasons to put children in public or private schools, but for us, with our feelings of conviction about what we need to do to raise our kids, homeschooling is it. The Bible plainly teaches that the parents are responsible to God for their children's education. For us, we feel that we can best fulfill that responsibility by teaching our own kids. In fact, we started homeschooling with merely academic ideas in mind. Now, we are seeing more evidence that their spiritual education is equally important. I think we all know that children learn best by watching how the people around them live. If we live out our faith as we teach it to our children all day and every day, it will be much more effective than teaching them "knowledge" about our faith and then send them out to spend most of the day around people who do not share this faith and/or are actively trying to undermine it. Does this fit into a scenario of slowing down and simplifying? Absolutely! Each child can be taught in a tailor-made fashion exactly what they need at a pace that fits them. And we don't have to undo the problems that arise from our kids learning either the wrong things from a teacher hostile to our world-view or innappropriate things from other kids. Teaching a child (especially one that wants to learn) is actually easier than most people think (I think teaching kids in groups of 20-30 is the hard part).

Another thing that will continue is the basic church activities that we already do. Not only does our church have a good children's program and we like what we hear our children learning from the various classes they are in, it is good for them to be around kids who are different (you know... not raised by the same parents as our kids are). My husband and I also find our usual church activities rejuvenating. It also provides most of our social life.

What about the housework, remodeling, relandscaping, recreation, finances, etc.? There are things in our life that we put there because we wanted them rather than needed them. We can do some pruning out of some of the blatantly unhelpful. However, I still think that most of these other things in our lives are helpful and important. We need to learn to balance them out better. Since I have mentioned my desire for simplifying to my husband, I suspect that he fears that I'm going to go on a rampage and start tossing out everything and make drastic changes. That type of reaction is tempting to me (a friend once said that I should have been Amish because of my love of simplicity), but I know it wouldn't work any better than a crash diet works for someone who wants to lose weight and keep it off.

As I figure out what I'm doing and changing to make life more focused and simple and fulfilling, I'll keep sharing my progress.