Nature vs. Nurture

Today I was playing with Happy Boy and out of the blue he made a scrunchy-faced smile that reminded me of my paternal grandfather. Now, I have heard that my paternal grandfather had fair hair (I just remember it as white-gray). But, I would not otherwise have thought of him resembling Happy Boy much. This thought suddenly got me thinking thoughts about how much comes from DNA and how much is learned.

Yes, it is completely possible that my son has inherited physical features that remind me of my paternal grandfather. However, since his physical features generally favor his father's side of the family so greatly, it may be that I noticed something else. Could it be that I saw a learned expression on his face that mirrors one that I may do without thinking? This facial expression may have been passed down through generations, from my grandfather, to my father, to me, and now to my son. I never thought of my Dad's expressions mirroring his Dad because he already looks a lot like him (except for darker hair).

Added to this, I was mentioning the other day how I always thought that I looked more like my Mom, but that one of my Dad's relatives pegged me as his daughter (although I was not obviously being presented as one of the family and was mixed in with lots of other relatives the person had never met). The person I was talking to said that I probably was acting in a way that reminded them of him.

So today, playing with my son it dawned on me that he might be looking like my grandfather at times, because I look like my grandfather at times. Are there other things that I am passing along just as obliviously that I'm going to meet up with in the future? I know that I have "Southernisms" in the way I talk, word choices, that I picked up from my parents. Are my kids going to have some of that, too? My husband worries that they will pick up my bad grammar usages. We all realize that kids pick up our habits as we live together, but how many of us realize that we may be unconsciously passing along traits from relatives long gone? We assume it is inherited since the child has never met the person, but we forget that we have met the person and it shows to the little ones.

Parents as mystery sleuths

It stuck me today that parents have to act as mystery sleuths to figure out what child is doing what when your back is turned. It reminded me of the game "Clue." It was the case of the 4 year-old in the hall bath with the soap bottle and the 2 year-old in the master bath with the toilet paper.

Child number one is using the hall bathroom for a potty time, so I take child number two to the master bathroom to use the potty. I forgot to get a diaper for her so I go to the hall bathroom to retrieve one. Child number one had closed the door and didn't want to open it for me (warning sign). When I open the door to get the diaper, I discover that child number one has been playing with the liquid soap pump bottle and there is goopy soap on countertops, and doorknobs. After correcting this young miscreant, I return to the other bathroom with the needed diaper. Child number two had spent her time happily by unwinding the toilet paper into the trash can. Fortunately, this happened after Daddy had come home. He was outside doing yardwork, so I sent the girls out to spend time with Daddy. Mommy stayed inside and burned off the anger by practicing piano until my brain was tired. By the time they all came back in, I was no longer so mad and could be a sane Mommy again. Of course I caught them in the act so it wasn't as much a mystery.

Today a wet spot showed up on the dining room table. This was a mystery. It didn't look like a puddle like someone spilt water from a cup. It was evenly distributed and yet splotchy. And which child is the most likely culprit? In a quick process of elimination, we determined that it was the 4 year-old, in the dining room with a spray bottle. She tried to act innocent, but couldn't keep up the pretense.

The 2 year-old isn't mysterious in the same way. Her actions are pretty blatant. But her reasoning is mysterious. Like why she kept trying to take her shoes and socks off outside in the tall, brown, prickly grass that she didn't like stepping on. Then she would lose one of her socks over the side of the play gym in said prickly grass, and need someone to retrieve it for her.

Our 3 month-old hasn't done much mysterious yet. Though we occasionally come back to find him turned 180 degrees from his last known position. It's just a matter of time....