The After Christmas Season

Well, Christmas is over and I'm still recovering from it. My annual battle with the Christmas present aftermath is underway as I'm trying to find places for the kids' new things while trying to convince them that they really can do without a few of the things that they got four years ago. We have taken the week off from school work mainly because we would have all out rebellion if they didn't get some extra time to enjoy their new stuff. It also gives the benefit that I have time to sort and wash and clean and organize.

The holiday itself went pretty well for us. We still managed to have conflicts with the same individuals we usually have conflicts with. I am trying to come to terms with the idea that this will probably never change. What was different this year was that it was one of our kids causing the problem instead of my husband or me. The next generation seems to be following in the steps of ours. This fact and a chance conversation has Tim and I wondering if there is something more going on than just normal blunders. As a result we looked up information on Aspergers syndrome. I must say that the description sounds awfully familiar to us. It begs the question of how far off normal do you need to be to fit into a category like this. We have begun to wonder if we need to have our child evaluated for this syndrome and whether it would make any difference. After all the treatment for this syndrome is exactly what we are already doing, training our children how to interact appropriately with others. It is something to consider.

In other news I have had my first thorough eye exam. As a result, I get to pick up my first pair of corrective glasses in about a week. I get to wear them for driving and for distance use. We'll see how often our baby grabs them off me during church when I'm trying to read what is on the projection screen .

It is also about time to come up with a nickname for our littlest one. Tim is voting for "Little Chunk." He is a big kid. He'll have his two month checkup next week so we can see how he is progressing. But from our perspective, he may always be the biggest of our kids (for his age). He has an appetite that doesn't seem to want to quit. I wouldn't say that he's roly-poly, but he is simply big. I haven't come up with a better nickname for him, so we might as well go with that one for now.

This morning I noticed Little Chunk was not just sucking on his fist, he was trying to chew on it. Hmmm.... I tried an experiment. I gave him his pacifier and he spat it out. I held a small nubbly rubber teether up to his mouth and he chewed with a vengeance. Could it be that our baby is teething already. We've had a history of early teethers. Our oldest had her first tooth at three months. Our others were a little later, but not much. Let me tell you, it is not always fun having a teething baby before they have the ability to hold their own teethers. Thank you Rick and Wendy. The teether you got him is right on time.

Also, thanks to Great Auntie Jean, for the toy that is replacing "Spore" in our kids lives. We are now the proud owners of a Wii. The kids are constantly begging for it. Tim and I opted for a Wii Fit add on and have begun a new exercise regime. It will be helpful during our cold/wet season. It is pretty fun. But it was a nice day today so we all went for a walk outside for our exercise.

That is all I can think of for now. I have plenty of other posts I could do, but they will have to wait.

The World Has Changed Once Again

Two days before Halloween, the world changed again. I had my second son. He was a big fellow, too, at 9 pounds, 10 ounces. It was a relief to finally have him in my arms and not in my abdomen.

I had been convinced that I was ready to have that baby "any day" for at least two weeks before he came. From what we learned during delivery, he was probably delayed by an oversupply of amniotic fluid. Basically, he kept floating in the fluid instead of dropping down and being pushed down the birth canal. Although he felt late to me, he was actually born the day after the due date.

My last couple of posts were in October. Now it's the night before Thanksgiving. My side of the family were altruistic this year and told us to stay home instead of trying to fulfill the family tradition. That has turned out well, since we are all at different stages of a cold right now. The silence from the last posts don't convey the activity we have been trying to cram into our lives.

We have replaced our broken flowered sofa with a new queen size futon. We had a rat die in the vent tube of our above stove hood, resulting in a very unpleasant dismantling operation and eventually a new hood (the old one was due for replacing anyway). We have our pest control service alerted to the rodent issue and are in the process of trying to make sure that unfortunate event does not get repeated. We had a bedroom doorknob fail (with no way to dismantle it from outside the room) so we had to break down a door, and then fix the resulting door frame. We had our pomegranate harvest to seed (waiting in the freezer for a convenient time to make jelly). We made a emperor penguin costume for our oldest child for Halloween (the other kids got hand-me down costumes). We started up schoolwork again on a half day schedule out of self defense. It turns out that our kids behave better when they aren't left to their own devices all day. I started out breastfeeding the baby and by the end of the first week I was almost exclusively using a breast pump. By the end of the second week I was doing half breast milk and half formula. By the end of the third week, he was completely on formula.

It has been nearly four years since we last had a new baby to take care of. Some of the time, we are easy-going and calm veterans. Some of the time, we are playing the "Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that" game. Our other kids love him and want to play with his toys. They like to pet his head and occasionally hold him. Thankfully, he can sleep through the pandemonium of a typical day. And like most babies, he has problems sleeping enough of the night to let his parents feel rested. Tim and I have arranged a schedule so that we take turns doing various feedings so that each of us get the bare minimum sleep that we need. That fact and the fact that our baby seems fairly good-natured is probably the only reason we are still somewhat sane and able to function.

I find myself being very philosophical about some of the difficult parts of being the parent of a new baby. Yes, it's exhausting and difficult. However, it is also temporary. In another month or two we'll all be sleeping better. In another month or two, he'll be more fun to play with. In a few months more he'll be trying solid food. We'll only be doing formula for a year. His wardrobe will only last a few months at a time at first. Someday, Tim and I will have our bedroom to ourselves again. Someday, I'll be able to give away my maternity clothes. Someday, I won't need to keep baby clothes. Our family finally feels finished to me. I also can't picture myself going through another pregnancy. It really does get more difficult as you age. On the other hand, these precious moments with a tiny baby go so fast when you are an older parent. I sometimes wish I had the leisure to enjoy each moment more with each of our kids. The reality is that with four kids, you take what time you can with each one as the moment is upon you. There is not any time for the ideal, so you spend the time you have.

I do picture a difficult few months ahead, especially with the schooling. But thankfully we can be flexible. It will take us a while to learn the next new set of parenting skills we need for new family dynamic. Our lives are still in constant change.

I'm getting in that mood again...

This blog is supposed to be about my war with chaos and how I keep trying to bring order to my world even though having three young kids works against my efforts. I must be feeling better lately, because I've been getting in the mood to start another assault on chaos. I've been noticing a large number of toys that aren't getting played with much and toys that are being out-grown. I've been trying to finish up some left over projects (though I did start new ones of sewing dresses). I'm trying to retake the garden from the weeds. Every time I turn around I see some area of the house that can use some heavy-duty organizing or simplification.

Maybe this mood is prompted by my renewed energy now that I am no longer pregnant and have made good progress in recovering from childbirth. Or maybe it is caused by my realization that if I'm going to start school with the kids in July, I only have this month to get some things done before I "go back to work" as it were. Whatever the cause, I have the itch to be productive. Here is a look at some of the things going on lately:

1. Reclaiming the garden. I've actually been working at this for a few weeks now. I've been trying to get out and weed the garden a few afternoons a week while the kids play outside after lunch. I don't always get a lot of time at it, since the Happy Boy has been wanting more attention from me lately. But I've pulled the weeds out of a few rows that were actually producing vegetables. Then I went to the plant nursery and the girls helped me pick out some vegetable plants to fill up the empty spaces. I've also been a little more regular in watering the garden. Perhaps we can get some drip irrigation put in to help with that soon. The plants that still survive the Spring planting are: cabbage, broccoli, carrots, and onion. We did have spinach and snow peas, but we finished those up already. We also have a clump of chives that came up from last year's garden (which never came up last year). The new vegetables are a cherry tomato plant, some pepper plants, some garlic and several stalks of corn. I also planted green beans in place of the snow peas.

2. I finished and framed my last needlepoint project. Now I just have to find a place to hang it. That will have to wait until we have framed a picture of Baby E. then we can find places for all our new framed pictures at the same time.

3. I have been putting away baby things that we plan to keep a while just in case we need them again. I have also been planning what things can be gotten rid of (like some baby toys) since the Happy Boy is outgrowing them. I'm hoping my umbrella strollers will hold out until I can trust him to walk with me obediently. With all of the walking we do, they are showing the wear.

4. I have made two summer dresses for the girls within the deadline I had for myself (sorry, no pictures available yet). Now I am starting the Pillowfight Fairy's fancy occasion dress. So far it is merely a bag of fabric and a cut out paper pattern. I will try to have it done by the end of the month so that I can spend July doing one for the Adrenaline Junkie.

5. To help free up some shelf space for the coming year's schoolwork, I bought a comb-binder machine to help me bind old schoolwork in preparation for storing it away in the garage. Unfortunately, with the Adrenaline Junkie starting school with me this year, we still need more space for books and binders. I'm still investigating what possibilities are left to us to solve the problem. Tim and I have already thinned out our books as far as we are comfortable with. I think I will just have to clear off the top of a filing cabinet we have in the living room and make that the designated school work stacking spot. It is either that or buy new bookshelves to replace some smaller ones currently in use.

6. I'm also thinking that some of our kitchen is not utilized properly. It would be nice to clear off some counter space and reorganize some of my cabinets for better storage. The kids' craft supplies shouldn't be in the kitchen. Neither should I have an entire cabinet for storing plastic grocery bags. Food preparation would be so much easier if I didn't have half my counter space covered with clutter. And one of these days I really ought to put up the curtains I bought for the kitchen (five years ago!).

So what do you think? Is it possible to get finished with all this before July? Maybe not all of it. But I hope to do most of it. I was slowed down a little this past week by sick kids (and me too). My biggest problem is putting too many things on my to do list. I haven't mentioned all of the other things that I dream about doing but don't think will get done any time soon. Ah... maybe I'm learning to be content with those things I can't change right now. It is hard to have contentment when you're trying to change the status quo.

One thing leads to another

I've been busy lately trying to get our finances back in order, so I haven't been blogging much in the evenings (also why my husband's blogging has been somewhat curtailed). But I thought that my latest endeavor was worth a posting. We were recently blessed with hand-me-down furniture.

About half of the furniture in our house falls into that category, so this isn't a new phenomenon for us. However the furniture itself is new to us and requires some rearranging to fit in. We were given a dining table with chairs and a hutch to match. Our dining room has never looked so nice. Our china and pretty things now occupy the hutch and can be seen. They have rarely seen the light of day since our wedding seven and a half years ago. Our former dining room table was a utilitarian table and set of six metal folding chairs that we were given. It was practical but not very pretty. I'm very into practical things. We folded up the table and it is now in the garage waiting for its next job. The folding chairs are supplementing our new chairs and also awaiting new orders.

It's a funny thing about new furniture. Once you start moving and rearranging things, you start to realize that your old furniture doesn't have to be in that place it has been for the last several years and you start to think about the what-ifs in your house. What if we moved that bookcase here? What if we moved that table there? You see how the thinking goes.

So, the new hutch is now housing items that used to be in an old drawer set that would be better situated in a bedroom. The girls' room is too full for new furniture, but the baby's room might be able to use it. But to put the drawer set in the baby's room requires moving out my old desk that is currently being used as a changing table.

You know, I've been wishing for a desk again. I don't like sharing Tim's desk and eventually hope to get a computer of my own. But the best place for the desk is now occupied by filing cabinets. Well.... one of the filing cabinets can fit under the desk, it was like that originally. But the other one needs a new home. It matches the wood of our big bookcases in the living room. But, to place it properly, so it doesn't stick out oddly into the room, it would need to go between the computer desk and the bookcases. That means that we would need to move the bookcases over about ten to twelve inches.

And since we are changing things in the baby's room (and are hoping someday that he will have to share that room with a sibling) we could unclutter that room some by moving out a bookcase and decorative table that belonged to my grandmother. Where to put them... hmm... There's the Master bedroom. I can find a place for the bookcase, but to move the table in there is trickier. There are two choices for it. It can either stand at the foot of our bed with no purpose at all except to look pretty (it's not terribly stable on its own), or it can be placed in the corner where it can be propped in place by two other pieces of furniture and be a nice display location for my antique clock that currently sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace (behind the child-proof fence of course) where it has been gathering dust in an undignified manner for the last four years. I like the option where I get to move the clock off the floor, but that means we have another small drawer set to move to an as-yet-undecided location.

As soon as I started talking about moving furniture around, my husband knew he was in for trouble. All of this requires some serious work. Who really wants to unload two large bookcases just to move them along a wall ten inches? But the more I thought about where things could go I realized that they should have been in those places all along and I didn't realize it.

So far this is all that has been moved: the new dining room furniture has been put in place, the set of drawers that had been in the dining room is now waiting in the entryway for its turn to move, the kitchen cabinets have been cleared of many things (opening up new space), and a bookcase and rickety table are now in the master bedroom. But considering that I did a fair amount of those last few items on my own while watching three kids, things are going well. Tim jokes that I'm going to have to stay within the laws of physics in my planning. Hey... at least I'm not suggesting moving any walls. That's what my Mom is famous for in my family.

I recently picked up some new books...

Doesn't that sound lovely! New books! Have I ever mentioned that I like books. I particularly like sitting down and reading books that I find interesting. Most of the time however, I read books that are at best amusing children's books. On average they are children's books that I found amusing at one time before I read them hundreds of times (literally). At worst, they are terribly dull. Every now and then, I get to read something that interests me. I have many interests, however, and little time. So, my selections usually involve some area of my life that is of everyday importance. In this case, homeschooling our oldest daughter (and eventually the other kids). I had a chance the other day to spend a few minutes browsing at our local homeschool supply store (just at the edge of our neighborhood!). I decided to pick up the following volumes:

First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind, by Jessie Wise. This is a lesson book on teaching the language arts (minus spelling) to first and second graders. I've already looked through it a good bit and think it will be very useful when I want to start teaching the Pillowfight fairy grammar. I think it is a good blend of structured instruction and casual kid-friendly teaching. I think it will probably work for us.

Drawing with Children: a Creative Method for Adult Beginners, Too, by Mona Brookes. This is something that will require a bit more of a leisurely read. Ideally, I would need to do the lessons in the book myself, before trying to teach them to my kids. Since I have never really considered myself very artistic with drawing, it might be a bit of a challenge to rethink the way I do art. However, I like the ideas used in the book (such as everyone can improve from their current ability and people do learn to draw better with some actual instruction whether or not they show any aptitude). This book presents art instruction for kids as young as two and all the way up to adults. In encourages taking it slow, following the development of the artist. It is basically a book to teach the teacher how to teach drawing. Considering how much the Pillowfight Fairy loves art, I know we need to do some kind of art instruction to keep her advancing. Natural ability will get you only so far, training will help her take it as far as she can.

My opportunity to read these books is not just research into what is coming up for our homeschooling in the future. It is carving out time for Mommy to do something I choose. There are so many things that need to be done. I am behind in so much of the housework and paperwork. I hate clutter and all of the surfaces are piled up again. So, I am fighting the good fight against clutter. I am starting to slowly get those "behind" jobs caught up again. Yet, in the midst of it all, I need to do something for me, too. Sometimes that is an afternoon nap when I need it. Sometimes it's getting out my needlepoint project (which has been in progress for more than a year now). Sometimes it is getting to read a new book. I am learning to put a little something for me into the day. It helps me relax, improves my mood, and helps me cope with the never ending problems that keep coming up (the latest of which are a dying water heater and repairs on the minivan after a collision). I have hopes that I will get better at finding time for rejuvenating things in my life. Because we all know that the problems will keep coming no matter what we do. But, anything that we can do to help the burden seem lighter or to improve our own outlook is a worthwhile endeavor.

Toys: the love-hate relationship

I think that it is a truism that all parents have a love-hate relationship with toys. We love them when they are fun and make our kids happy. We love when a kid will play with a toy for long periods of time allowing the parent to do something else than try to come up with another idea for a bored kid. However, parents also do not like picking up the toys or nagging their kids to pick up toys. Then there is the trauma of when to part ways with a toy. My theory is that a young child will never knowingly part with a toy even if they haven't played with it since they first got it. Lately, many different ideas about toys have been playing around in my brain, so I thought that I would share some of those thoughts and see if I can get ideas from others about how to manage the toys. This is where I am getting back to the original idea of my blog. Toys lend themselves to more chaos, and I am a person who tries to beat back the encroaching hordes (or hoards?).

To begin, I am a very pragmatic person. When we first had our first child, my husband was surprised when I kept buying toys for her. He thought that I would see that as extravagant. Actually, I saw toys at that time as my child's work. She needed toys to assist her in the various stages of development. She needed to learn various skills. If I thought an appropriate skill for her age was being neglected, I looked for a toy that would help build and develop that skill for her. Ah... the newbie I was. I felt so proud of myself for limiting myself. I didn't buy electronic toys or battery operated toys. I didn't buy toys with TV characters all over them. We had limited space at the time in our tiny apartment, so we kept the toys small and simple. We still have many of those toys and I consider many of them the basics that will be used with all of our kids (blocks, balls, mirrors, rattles, soft books, toy piano, baby safe music box, tiny stuffed animals). Looking back from my current perspective, however, I purchased things that seemed like a good idea at the time, but didn't catch our daughter's interest or were inconvenient (non-machine washable plush toys). I discovered that our daughter found chewing on my shoelaces to be so fascinating that she would sit at my foot (literally) and chew on my shoelaces and play with them for the better part of an hour. Yes, she would play with the other toys, too. But, they kept having to be changed out for something "new" because her interest would wane. Then, when she started to crawl and pull to a stand, mobility was all she cared about. She wanted to play with the real world (our furniture, books, my husband's harp, door knobs, grass, leaves, dirt). The toys were stand-ins for what we wouldn't let her get at. Fast forward to today and I still see play as my kids work to develop needed skills, but the toys are only temporary tools to aid this endeavor. We bought too many toys. We forgot the truism that the box and the ribbon is more fun than the gift. Kids desire to learn about their world and real life. They don't need to be handed artificial versions if there is a way to give them the real thing safely.

Another thought that has been floating around in my brain lately is how we are inundated with messages that tell us that toys have to be bright and shiny and loud. They need to have lights and beeps and talk to your child. Somehow, if we buy the simpler toy, we are hurting our child's development. Our kids have to have the flashiest gadget that just came out or they will fall behind all the other kids. After all they need to be ready for preschool or they won't be able to be ready for kindergarten. Before you know it you are imagining your kid growing up to flip fast food burgers as a career while all the other kids go off to fabulous careers. Then of course they advertise directly to kids so that they will whine and complain that their lives won't be worth anything if they don't have whatever they are told that they should want. I still remember begging my Mom for a ballerina doll that danced on a special platform. I got it for either Christmas or my birthday and remember being completely disappointed that it not only didn't make me happy, but it wasn't as great as it was made out to be. The kids have no clue that they are being lied to about these things. We as adults have the perspective they lack, but we fall into the trap ourselves. The toy industry is in business to make a profit. Unfortunately, they use a parent's fear of being a bad parent to sell to them and use a kid's complete self-centeredness to sell to them. I've had some of these so called educational toys that are supposed to teach your kids. They don't teach much. Also, there have been studies which I keep seeing in the news that show that kids learn better from a person talking to them than any educational toy. So, where does this leave me in choosing toys for my kids? Don't follow the hype, it usually leads you to a dead end. I have to remember what my long-term goals are for my kids.

Another point that I would like to bring up is rather more mathematical. If every child has only two gift getting occasions a year (birthday and Christmas for us), then by the time they are ten, say, they have had twenty such occasions providing them with new things. Some of this is gotten rid of from time to time as they grow out of certain age appropriate items. But, what if there is a sibling or two. Why bother getting rid of those toys that will be appropriate for the next child. Yet, those children, too, experience gift getting occasions. In a family like ours where the oldest child is approximately 5 (birthday later this month) and the other two children follow pretty much every two years, the accumulation gets to be enormous. Yes, we do get rid of things, but it is a struggle to do so knowing that another kid can benefit from them. Some toys leave by way of destruction. They are simply loved to death and must be disposed of when no longer play appropriate. Some toys are neglected until Mommy can sneak them away and donate them if they are still in good condition. Others, cause trouble and have to be given time-outs. If they can't work out a good play relationship with the kids, they have to go. And every time a baby becomes mobile, I have to retrain the older kids about what the baby can play with and can't play with. It becomes my motivator to get them to pick things up: "Do you want your brother to eat/chew on that?" Then there is simply the issue of space. The older kids' toys (that are not safe for babies) have to be in their room, so that the baby doesn't get at them. There is only so much space available for that. I have also noticed that the more toys, the less they get played with. The kids simply can't see them. It is an issue of not being able to see the individual toys with so many all around them. As you can guess I have been struggling with these latest issues a lot and have been trying to winnow the pile.

When all is said and done, do my kids play with their toys. Yes. But, not usually how those toys were intended. Just yesterday I let my two year old play with some play dough (messy but simple and definitely a keeper). She started out by making a cake. Then she made some other type of food with it. About an hour later, she had found a toy spoon and squished play dough on the bowl part of the spoon. The spoon was a person and the play dough was the person's hair. She was having a nice little play time with her pretend person. Our daughters have wonderful imaginations and use the toys to work as props in their play. A toy is very rarely used as originally intended. Brooms become horses (despite the fact that we have a rocking horse). Shape sorters become airplane hangers. Books become stacking blocks (despite the fact that we have three different sets of stacking blocks not counting legos). Oddly shaped toys are perfect for an original creation of sculpture (sometimes kinetic). A cookie jar lid is a top. They have lots of fun and like to make their own toys from paper too (more props). But even then, there is something that will make them drop their play in a second in anticipation of more fun. What could it be? Going outside. They can either continue their play-acting outside with more natural props or just wander and explore. Sometimes we'll play games or ride on wheeled vehicles of various types, but mostly it is unstructured imagination time and exploring. But best of all... better than any toy... better than outside... Mom or Dad, Grandparents and other relatives and friends giving them attention and loving fun.

So, where does this leave me as I plan for upcoming birthdays and Christmas? How do I manage the toy shuffle as we move things around to be more baby friendly? How do I keep perspective on what my kids need to learn as they play? How much needs to be specific toys? How many props do they need? How much time can I let them have outside (especially when I am still limping and the backyard is still a construction zone)? How can we as parents make more time for our kids to be with us just for play-time? I know the questions. I have some ideas about the physical limitations of what toys we can own. I think that I need to work more on keeping the simple stuff, and eliminating the complicated, flashy, and redundant stuff. But the treasured possessions... that needs to be the relationships.

Swamped in the little things

OK... So it's been a while. As the title says, I've been swamped with little things that are all important. Little people are important and I've now got three of them to look after. That is going fairly well. The oldest two can usually play together without killing each other when I need to look after the third. The baby is easy going enough that he can play on his playmat while I do dishes, cook, or do homeschooling with the girls. However, there are other little things that have added to the general chaos like finding time to do our taxes and finally, today, take all three kids to the post office with me to mail them. I think it brightens people's days to see me out with all three kids. For some it is nostalgia. For some it is "thank God I'm not her."

I also have to update our financial records to find out if we are still breaking even. I haven't touched them since before the baby was born. Then there is the fact that I can't wedge anything more in the filing cabinet. That needs thinning out of unneeded items (haven't done that in about two years). I can't paint with my oldest daughter until I clean a much used counter so we have a place to dry paintings. We sort of got roped into doing some stuff at a Easter play day at our church when we have sooo much work to in the backyard.

The backyard construction zone is now at the form building stage in preparation for creating actual walkways and a patio. Since my husband is doing this in his almost non-existent free time, it'll take a while. I find it hard to be patient at times and not begrudge time to good causes every now and then.

With the kids, the most recent thing is that our oldest has lost two more teeth. This time they were not symetrical. Her right front tooth on top and a left slightly to the side tooth on the bottom came out on the same day. She now has a really fun jack-o-lantern style smile.

Life is feeling full. And, although the baby is allowing a little more sleep lately, I feel like I'm playing a ridiculously big job of catch-up. I also have trouble thinking clearly during allergy season. So if this post seems a little disjointed, that is why. Allergens are little things, too.