Saturday, April 02, 2011

Mea culpa

It is my fault.

I was wrong.

I spoke carelessly and hurt people I care about.

I hurt them to the point that they won't let me say I'm sorry.

My intentions however harmless, had results that I never imagined. Now they see me as someone I do not believe I am. But my actions toward them tell them that I am that kind of person.

In tears and sorrow, I am heartily ashamed of myself.

I wish to make it right, but I know I can't.

I wish I could explain myself better... to help them see what I really meant. I am afraid any attempt to do so would result in my digging a bigger hole than I already have.

I was rude and insensitive.

I am too blunt and tactless.

I forgot that computer messages are notoriously bad medium for touchy subjects.

This is the best I can figure out to do. I publicly apologize. I provide the following links so that people can see for themselves how I have behaved badly. This is my public confession. I will do my utmost, with God's help, to change my ways.

The original post to which I made a comment. ( Update: After publishing I realized that since all commenting has been removed, you are no longer able to see my horribly insensitive comment. This is also why I cannot apologize where the damage was done.)

The results and response to my actions.

I am sure that many others of you will be as horrified as I am that such a wonderful blogger is closing his blog because of my actions. I am truly, truly sorry. Those words cannot convey the depths of my sorrow, but they are the only ones I have.


A. Jean said...

Tonya - I think he is over-reacting. I understand your feelings about Santa, etc. You wrote a blog about Christmas Holidays coming and they weren't always the best holiday for you and you stated then you Tim didn't push Santa on the kids and you didn't condemn those who did.

Anyone who knows you should have given you the benefit of the doubt if anything you wrote could have been taken any other way than how you meant. I reread a sentence or two in his blog to see if I was taking anything out of context and he blatantly uses what I consider crass and crude "farm language" (as my Grannie would have called it!!)as a response to his effrontery to your suggestion he and his wife were liars and lied to their children.

If this is all it takes to cause him to stop blogging, then he was looking for a reason to quit. Say you're sorry then move on. He writes well, but he is no friend.

Timothy Power said...

Auntie Jean,

We've been following his blog long enough--and he's been following ours--that yes, we do in fact consider him a friend.

Fact is, it's really hard to modulate one's tone when one writes over the internet. It's really, really easy to write something that you think is unobjectionable, but which rubs someone else entirely the wrong way. This is especially true any time a person tries to explain the unique life decisions he chose to make; it's really hard to come across as not judging those who made different decisions. I know this from first-hand experience; I'm a homeschooling dad, after all.

I know my wife well enough to know that she never intended her comments to be taken as judgmental toward others, even if that's the way she came across--and that she feels terrible that something she wrote hurt someone else. We've been reading Arby's blogs for quite some time now, and they were a daily stop for Tonya. Yes, we do consider Arby a friend.

I also have to say that as someone who rarely blogs anymore, I fully understand the impetus just to give up. Blogging is fun at first, but after a while can start to feel a lot like "feeding the beast"--you start to see it as some kind of obligation that takes up way too much time, that could be better spent raising one's family--or, for that matter, catching up on sleep. I seriously doubt that these two comments were the only things that caused Arby to choose to suspend his blog; I think his statement about the Straw, Camel and Back rings true--because I've felt exactly the same way about my own blog from time to time.

Anyway, Arby--if you're reading this, know that my wife is sincere in her apology, and is absolutely mortified that her words hurt you the way they did. She feels like she put her foot in it, and would take the whole thing back in a moment if she could.

Arby said...


In reflecting on my reaction to this entire situation, I realized that I lost sight of several key components of my Christian faith. I would like to be that person who reacts calmly and smartly all the time, but I’m me…another sinner in need of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. Your comment did not anger me. Alone, I would have written it off as an opinion that I understand but with which I do not agree, and nothing more. Many people have left comments on my blog with which I disagree. For the most part, I let them stand. It was Brownie’s seconding the idea that sent me through the roof. There is a back story to her comment that isn’t worth explaining. Please trust me when I say that you were caught up in my anger towards another person. Please forgive both me and my farm language. (BTW, that is a great description of the “F” bomb;-)

If I brought tears to your eyes then I need re-evaluate my participation in the blogging community. Blogging should never do that. If I reduced you to tears, then I need to keep my fingers off of the key board until I know that I am writing something that serves God’s purposes and not my own. I am sorry. I apologize.

Please rest assured that I was telling the truth when I wrote on my last post that blogging has been a struggle for months. I have been leaning towards stopping my blog for quite awhile. I have not been looking for a reason, or an excuse, to stop writing. I can stop at any time I choose. Your comment did not cause me to stop writing. My anger showed me that the value I once found in blogging is no longer there. I blame no one.

Peace to you and your family,


Arby said...


Your fourth paragraph about reasons for stopping blogging absolutely nailed it! You stated very clearly what I have been thinking for quite awhile, but have been unable to put into words. "Feeding the Beast" - a perfect description.

Tonya Power said...

We are at peace again. That is good. Arby has replaced his last post, so my second link should not work anymore.