What does a teacher do during summer vacation?

Teachers take a much needed break. I am doing that. But I'm also doing something else that teachers do on their break. I'm doing a little professional development (so to speak) by checking out books on education from my local library and reading. The idea hit me as I was at the library with the kids. I was letting each of them check out two books, why couldn't I? There happened to be a shelf in the kids section dedicated to parents and educators, so I looked through it. I checked out a two inch thick tome titled, The Educated Child: A Parent's Guide from Preschool through Eighth Grade, by William J. Bennett, Chester E. Finn, Jr., and John T.E. Cribb, Jr. Despite the daunting size, it was actually an easy read and I finished it in just a few days. So here is my book report:

Their audience is intended to be very broad. Any parent of school age children or educators of children in any setting are encouraged to read it and use it as a resource as necessary. It tries to address what makes a good education for kids in those age levels. How to recognize the signs that your school choice is either achieving or not achieving this and what you can do to improve any problems found. It discusses what is an appropriate core curriculum for children in these age levels in the subjects of English, History and Geography, Art and Music, Mathematics, and Science. It discusses how parental involvement helps a child succeed in school and how specifically to do this. It discusses how to provide a good education to both special needs and specially gifted children. It addresses common school problems and what to do if your school or child is dealing with these. It makes a case for the need for character education, health education, and extracurricular activities in addition to academics. It also includes a very useful chapter describing a variety of issues currently debated in education such as : Education standards, skills vs. knowledge, multiculturalism, discovery learning, multiple intelligences, self-esteem, cooperative learning, public vs. private schools, charter schools, home schooling, religion and schools, social promotion, tracking, uniforms, year-round schooling, bilingual education, teachers unions, and more. The final chapter addresses the issue of becoming involved in education reform. This is not talking about theoretical reform but the nuts and bolts of bringing about change from the local level to the national level.

So after reading this I should ask the question of "what did I get out of it?" The book talks a great deal about the public school situation so does it have anything to say to a homeschool mom? The answer is yes. I related well to their repeated emphasis that the parent must be involved in their child's schooling and the person responsible for seeing to it that their child gets a good education no matter what choice of school they decide on. I found the discussion of core curriculum helpful to me so that I can gauge whether we are making good curriculum choices for our kids. I found the section about parents helping their child succeed to be very good practical advice for any parent and several areas gave me food for thought. One was teaching good study habits. A weakness we have doing school at home is that it is difficult to provide a quiet area for study when some kids are in school and some are not. I will need to find some better solutions for this problem. The Pillowfight Fairy already complains about the distractions bothering her and I know the Adrenaline Junkie is even more susceptible to the problem. So I have some brainstorming to do on this one. They talked a bit about testing, reasons for and against it, how to develop test taking skills, and how to do authentic assessment. I'm not big on doing a lot of testing. I am wary of teaching to the test instead of making sure real lasting learning is taking place. However testing is useful in some ways. We already do spelling tests and math tests on a regular basis. I verbally quiz her on her readings to see what she is getting from them. But, I have been reluctant to do any official, comprehensive tests, partly because they are not required in our state, and partly because I don't want to pigeon-hole my kids into a category and instead think in terms of individual skills and knowledge rather than grades. However, at some point we will probably do more testing, so I need to consider how to train in test studying and test taking. They also presented the idea of the IEP (individualized education program) that is used in special education programs and bemoaned that it isn't available for all kids. This is the idea that every child's progress is reviewed at least once a year and a new plan put in place for how to give that child the best chance at a good education. I love this. This is what many homeschoolers already do when they are tailoring the education to each child. Perhaps we don't all do it in a formal fashion, but it encourages me to continue to make my plan every year and review how we are progressing frequently (I need to review more frequently than I do). I was reassured in the school problems section that we are so far avoiding the problems that they mentioned. In the area on non-academics, I was challenged that I don't have a plan in place for teaching character, physical education and other extra-curricular subjects. It's not that we don't do this. We are simply doing it haphazardly. Having a more specific plan with clear goals would be a good thing. I liked the section explaining the various educational issues out there. I already have my personal gut reaction to each debate, but it was helpful to get more background on it and a better understanding of why the opposite side holds the view it does. It didn't change my mind about anything, but it helped me clarify my position on each debate.

All in all, it was a helpful book and I'm glad I read it. If anything it encouraged me that our choice to homeschool is going to give our kids a good education. Not because homeschooling is inherently better, but because of the seriousness and effort with which we approach our task. So I'm ready for another book to read, but have no idea what it will be. The shelf I had look at wasn't very big. I may have to check their online catalog and ask them to hold one for me that I find more interesting (leisurely browsing doesn't happen with three kids seven and younger at the library).

End of school! Yea!

The Pillowfight Fairy is quite pleased to know that we finished her second grade year today. She has some very unrealistic ideas about doing whatever she pleases for the foreseeable future. What she doesn't realize is that her Mommy is at least as excited as she is. No more prep. work. No more being the bad guy by making her get back to her studies. It is a well deserved break.

Unfortunately, I tend to look ahead and know that the break isn't really all that long. A mere month and a half. But, I have nearly completed next year's lesson plans for both girls, so I can spend that free time doing other things. I think my general priorities are getting financial information in order again (it's amazing how fast I get behind on that when my attention is elsewhere), cleaning, organizing, discarding, and one craft project promised to be done in August. All that cleaning, organizing, and discarding is my normal personality but it tends to go into overdrive when I'm pregnant. You could say that I have a perpetual nesting instinct.

So, now that school is over again, I can look back on the year with satisfaction. The day to day schoolwork didn't always go smoothly, but it went anyway and with fewer bumps than in the previous year. I think that I am getting better at the teaching side of things. I also think that the Fairy is appreciating her schoolwork more (even though she still complains). I will probably be spending a fair amount of my free thinking time to mull over the best ways to work with the Adrenaline Junkie. I need to cover the same material as I did with her sister, but now I need to present it differently to a very different girl. I have noticed signs that the Junkie is making a mental transition that comes between preschool and grade school. That gives me hope that she'll be a little bit more able to learn academic subjects. The trick will be how to incorporate ideas that she relates to in order to retain her attention.

I also don't know how far along the Happy Boy will be in the next year. He will still be a preschooler of course. But, he is beginning to be able to draw semi-recognizable things and likes to have people write words for him. I suspect that I will be encouraging him to do lots of drawing this year. He will probably want to participate when I'm reviewing phonics with the Junkie. I would not be surprised if he ends up being another early reader. He will probably stop having afternoon naps this year too. So, I'll probably need to break out the playdough and paints again (much to everyone's joy).

I don't know if you have noticed, but I talk a lot about what I see or plan for the future. I like to think about it. I think it just helps me prepare myself for the real thing if I can visualize it in my head first. Then I end up writing it in this blog. That gives me a chance to put it outside of myself and look at it from a different angle. Sometimes I'm simply planning what I need to do tomorrow. Sometimes, I'm wondering how the next year's schooling will progress. Other times, I'm trying to glimpse a distant time yet ahead (like when I no longer have to change diapers or potty train). I have learned that my looking ahead can be both good and bad. I have been known to plan something too far in advance and had to redo all of my work to get it right. But, when I plan ahead, I do accomplish so much more than if I didn't.

Besides school, there have been a few other things going on. I've finally been making jelly from last year's pomegranate harvest that has been taking up way too much room in my freezer. I bought myself a new food dehydrator to prepare for this year's fruit harvest. I've been making plans for summer camps, swim lessons and road trips. I've been potty training the Happy Boy for about a month now (with mixed results).

I'm now into my second trimester. My visit to my health provider last week was uneventful. It was mainly checking the heart beat of the baby (in the 140-150 range for those who follow such things) and scheduling my next blood test to look for abnormalities. The blood test I took care of today. I won't have the results back right away. I'll probably have them by my next appointment in June. I will also have my ultrasound in June. We are looking forward to it because we are curious about whether we are having a boy or girl. But, we are also dreading it, because we have already had bad news from ultrasounds twice in previous pregnancies. I am forcing myself to assume the best until told otherwise.

We also took a cat in for surgery today. One of our three cats has had a nasty growth or abscess on her tail for a while. After several vet visits, we finally had to have them remove most of her tail. I'm not sure what the recovery time is on tail amputations, but we'll have to be keeping an extra close eye on her for a while. So far she seems to be doing well, but she is a bit wobbly from the medication she is on.

That's all of my news for now.

Pregnancy update

I saw a nurse practitioner today, so I have a small update on the pregnancy. I'm at 12 weeks so the first trimester is ending. I heard the baby's heartbeat, which is reassuring. In the last month I've been poked with needles several times to determine whether or not I have diabetes. The multiple pokes are a result of failing the one hour glucose test (1st poke), then I had to take the 3 hour fasting glucose test (4 more pokes), and finally a final fasting test minus the glucose (6th poke). I only had one number off on my 3 hour test. My fasting blood sugar seems to run a bit higher than normal. My reasoning is that it was caused because they wanted me to have a half sandwich and milk snack at a time when I would normally be going to bed instead of eating. Of course my level was slightly high. So I tried to counteract the effects of the late snack by taking a brisk walk around the neighborhood the morning of my final test. It worked. Now I only have to get exercise and healthful meals to keep myself as healthy as I appear to be now.

I am happy to say that I've been better about the healthful meals this pregnancy. I have only gained about five or six pounds so far and haven't got out the maternity clothes yet (although I am in a size larger pair of pants). In my former pregnancies I would have gained about 15 pounds by now. I've decided that my body reacts to hunger differently when I'm pregnant. It just skips the "hmm... I'm starting to get a little hungry" phase and jumps straight to "I'm starving." As a result, I would tend to eat much more than usual since I listened to what my body was telling me. This time around I'm wise to the problem. I consciously eat normal portions and then wait a few minutes to give my body time to realize that it's had some food before I start to decide if I should have seconds or dessert. I also have been snacking on protein or veggies instead of sweets and breads (I love my carbs!). As a result my weight gain has been moderate. Though I think about food a lot more. Tim says that he eats better when I'm pregnant.

Unfortunately, I haven't been doing as well on exercise. This has been a very wet, dreary winter and spring keeps turning wet and cold. I haven't gone walking much. Then those times that I put it in the schedule, I have to deal with either three kids competing to be first or pull two of them in a wagon behind me. If the Pillowfight Fairy is walking, she tends to walk at a decent pace and I'm only pulling about 70 pounds of kids in the wagon. If the Adrenaline Junkie is walking, she tends to walk right in front of me and too slowly, talks so much that she isn't paying attention to where she is going and I'm pulling about 80 pounds of kids in the wagon. If the Happy Boy is walking (well... actually running) he has to be watched like a hawk to make sure he stops before crossing streets and stops to wait for us and stops when a neighbor wants to talk and no he may not pick the neighbor's flowers, all the while I'm pulling about 90 pounds of kids in the wagon. Under such circumstances, it is no wonder I haven't been all that enthused about going for walks. As the school year winds down, I am going to make it more of a priority.

In the meantime, we've finally started potty training with the Happy Boy. We know we should have started much earlier with all of our kids, but every time the timing seemed right to do it, I was having another baby and was beat. So all of our kids have been late potty-trainers. With the Happy Boy, we used cloth diapers at first, and he seemed to have the concept of being wet and not liking it. But when he was too big for a changing table, we switched to pull ups and we were lazy, so he learned a bad habit. Now we are trying to change the bad habit and we know it will probably take a long time. I will say it now, to commit myself to an audience who can keep me accountable, that I have no intention of using pull-ups with my next child. I intend to follow a majority cloth diaper regimen straight into potty-training.

Oh yes... our girls have decided that we don't have enough girls in the family and they are lobbying for this new baby to be a girl and keep trying to get us to agree to their favorite girl names. I know that they can count, so I'm considering them just a bit biased on this issue. Though to be fair, the Happy Boy could probably hold his own just fine either way.

So that's our latest news, such as it is.

Observations from a week off from school

We have just finished our final holiday week of the school year. The end of the school year is approaching fast. Typically in these final few weeks of school the actual work tapers off as we end some subjects before others. We have two more weeks of math, three more of grammar, and so on. As some topics drop out, I can lengthen the lessons for the remaining subjects and speed up their completion. So sometime in the next six weeks, formal lessons will be replaced with a more relaxed schedule that is more typical in our holiday weeks.

During the school year we take a week long holiday about every six weeks with a two week break at Christmas. This helps us keep our sanity knowing that a break is not too far distant. For mommy these breaks give me a chance to catch up on long term chores (like clutter management, or toy retirement) or schedule otherwise difficult to fit in shopping trips. For the kids it is a chance to play an extra video game, work on that craft project, read a book for fun, do some coloring book time, and play outside more (weather permitting). Mommy gets to just enjoy some down time, too. After a week break, a return to the usual schedule is refreshing. Much more than a week and the kids start to show signs that they need more schedule "boundaries" to feel comfortable again. I think the week off helps clear my brain too. It helps me have time to reflect on our progress, plans for the future, what works, what needs to improve and just who are these kids of mine.

So here are a few random observations from a week off from school.

• The Pillowfight Fairy likes piano enough to play it for fun when she doesn't have to.
• The Fairy and the Adrenaline Junkie like to play games together.
• The Adrenaline Junkie and the Happy Boy have the same energy levels and a similar interest in running all over the place.
• The Fairy has made substantial progress in her needlework craft to the point that it is now entirely her own. She can usually thread the needle, she can start her thread and end it properly and she can follow the pattern of stitches to completion. Mommy is only needed if some unforseen disaster occurs.
• The Junkie reads and spells better than she realizes. She assumes that she can't read things or spell them, but when prompted is pleasantly surprised that she can after all. She just doesn't like going to all that work when there is an easier way (such as ask someone else to do it).
• The Junkie has no perspective. Specifically she doesn't understand why Mommy can't teach her how to make a video game during her brother's naptime or drop her off at her grandparents' house (2 hour drive) whenever she feels like it. She has grand plans of inviting everyone we've ever met to our house for a party. She suggested we make a child sized wooden train and railroad in our backyard. Then this has to compete for space with the life-size castle she is planning to make out of cardboard. She is very eager to wash dishes and clean house except that she can't reach the sink properly and she doesn't have the patience to do the job as instructed. (I remember my own attempts at dishwashing at her age and do not wish to recreate the mess and the work needed to straighten it out again.)
• The Fairy and the Happy Boy can actually play together sometimes and enjoy themselves. I've noticed how the two younger kids play well together. But, the oldest kid tended to want to do her own things when not doing school work, or to play with her sister. But this week I actually saw her initiating a game of catch with the Happy Boy that gave them both some fun. It was good to see them get along so well.
• All three kids are actors. They will all re-enact any favorite scene at a moments notice. They will "quote" videos with each other during lunch (each taking turns saying a particular character's lines). Even the three year old does this.
• When the Junkie gets an idea into her head it is hard to get her to let go of it. She is tremendously stubborn. She doesn't take no for an answer and she gets in trouble for being overly persistent.
• The Junkie is normally very unfocused in her manner of living. She flits from one thing to the next on average every five minutes. She forgets what she is doing and makes mistakes because she is distracted or overly playful.
• The two previous observations seem to be contradictory, but I suspect that they are simply two facets of her personality. As she gets older, I suspect the stubborn persistence will give her drive and focus to do the things that are important to her. The unfocused, distactableness in her personality is a combination of her love of fun and an untrained mind. Fun and humor are often a result of the spontaneous action or word. This can be nutured and encouraged to result is a well-developed sense of humor. However, some of the lack of focus is purely, lack of training or discipline (not discipline defined as punishment, but discipline defined as planned growth toward a goal). I see a great deal of potential in this little bundle of energy and contradictions that are my daughter. She will be a challenge to train. May God give me the wisdom I need for this little girl.
• The Happy Boy is firmly in his routine is good phase. If the day goes along his normal routine (even if everybody else's routines are off), he is content and cooperative. If his routine is off, he is argumentative, grumpy and quick on the tantrums.
• The Happy Boy likes to snack. I don't generally allow my kids to have snacks, because it usually ruins their appetites for the regular meals. But if a kid has eaten his/her last meal well and is hungry early, I might allow a snack (growth spurts usually do it). But the Happy Boy seems to be like this all the time. He likes a big breakfast, snacks, and smaller meals the rest of the day. It makes me wonder what the teen years will be like.

Those are pretty random thoughts. But I like to mull them over in stray moments. Eventually, I may come up with educational goals, house rules, or wise precepts based on these disjointed ideas. Like a cook does with a recipe, I like to let my thoughts simmer on the back burner, so to speak, for a long time. From time to time I stir or add a little seasoning. Then I taste to see if it is ready serve yet. Eventually these little morsels add up to something useful and perhaps helpful to someone else.

Doctor's appointment

For my faithful readers (mostly family), I have an update on the pregnancy. It was confirmed at my doctor's appointment today that the baby has a heartbeat and is appropriately sized for 9 weeks. That means that we are looking at a due date very close to the Pillowfight Fairy's birthday. We won't have more substantial news for a while now.

In the meantime we have both our daughters suggesting girl names and telling us that we don't have enough girls in the family. Our son has not given his opinion of all this, probably because he is still under the impression that he is the baby.

A Scattered and Miscellaneous Update

So much has been going on lately, I feel like I need to do several posts on different topics to keep from having a horrendously long post updating things. But it is difficult to decide what to start with. I'll start in and see where it takes me. I might be able to do an all-encompassing update after all.

Tim and the Pillowfight Fairy have completed practices and performances of the Mikado. They thoroughly enjoyed it and will probably do more play productions in the future. The Fairy is apparently just as much a ham as her Daddy. Tonight she told us that her favorite actress is herself.

I have managed to get our taxes prepared, but need to sit down with Tim so he can check my work. That's been hard to manage. Partly because, after all, who really wants to do taxes? But we also seem to be taking turns being absolutely beat soon after the kids go to bed.

We are very close to the end of the school year. About seven weeks left to do. As a result, I have a pretty good idea what the Fairy needs to do for next year. There is a part of me that relishes the planning stage of a new school year. But, It is a lot of work the way I plan it. I do a complete year lesson plan in detail down to what lessons on what day. I've bought curricula for spelling, grammar, writing, history, math, and latin (that's right... latin). I've gone through and planned out the flow of the lessons and what pages will be on what days. In addition, I have some lessons I plan on my own (literature, religion, art, and science), which takes a good deal of time to plan. Then Tim plans out the music lessons. Seeing as we typically start our school year in early July and spread it out over 10 months (breaks every six weeks), I like to start my planning in the spring to have time to get ready for the new school year. I really like how the new year is shaping up. For literature we will be reading classic literature from the time period covered in her history in the form of chapter books adapted for elementary age readers. She will be reading Robinson Crusoe, The Three Musketeers, Alice in Wonderland, and many other wonderful books. The Latin lessons are very basic and not too onerous. I think I have discovered a way to balance out her spelling, grammar, and writing lessons so that they aren't all heaped on top of each other, but instead spread out a little bit more. She also gets to learn some chemistry in the coming year and kitchen/backyard science experiments are way cool.

As for the Adrenaline Junkie, she will be continuing Kindergarten until she gets a little better with the reading, writing and math. She actually can read a decent amount when she tries, she just doesn't like to do it. She loves writing, she just isn't very consistent with her letter formation. She is getting better and doesn't write her letters and numbers backwards as much as she used to. She also doesn't like to sound out words while spelling. It's the same issue as reading. With consistent practice she will get more comfortable with it. The biggest challenge with her is slowing down her overly active body and brain to be able to think through a complete thought at a time. If any of my kids is a kinetic learner, she is probably it. That means I need to be a little more creative in how to approach her lessons. That is something else I need to put into a lesson plan.

The Happy Boy is all about play. But his schoolwork will be art (drawing and writing practice in disquise), having books read to him and when he is ready, phonics (he is already wanting to sound out some of Hop on Pop).

Changing topic again: We planted a spring garden last weekend. This year we are doing snow peas, cabbage, radishes, carrots, lettuce, spinach and cantaloupe. I'm going to try to stagger plantings for a more prolonged harvest. The kids also planted some flower seeds. Tim replanted our strawberry patch, too. Too early to say how it is going, but we are watering every day. The kids love that part.

My craft binge has slowed down tremendously the last few weeks. Partly because of all of the previous items in this update. I am still working on a needlepoint and a quilt. I'm just taking my time. I've been very tired. Even though the weather has turned nice again, I haven't wanted to go for walks much either. I let the kids play in the backyard for exercise (keeping track of them and checking the garden is my exercise). I've also been very, very hungry. Tim keeps telling me that he's eating better these days. I've been spending more time thinking about and cooking food. These are some clues for you. This type of behavior is not normal for me. I usually like to get out for walks in nice weather. I usually couldn't care much about food as long as I'm fed three times a day. I usually hate cooking. What has gotten into me lately?

....

If you haven't guessed yet, I'm pregnant. Yep. That's another one of those big things that is happening lately. If you have followed mine or my husband's blogs over the last year, you know that this is momentous for us and a little scary. Having a baby die not quite a year ago, we know that so many things can go wrong. But, we would rather hope than live in fear. So if you can spare a prayer for us on this journey, it is much appreciated. I am still in the first trimester. My first doctor's appointment to check the baby is going to be at the end of next week. We are a bit nervous to say the least.

So that is the latest news from our family. I think I did manage to give an update on all of the main things without making the post too horribly long. Life is sure to stay interesting for a while. I'm sure I'll have more to post soon.

Life continues to change

I have been pondering lately how things have changed. I like to do that every so often so that I don't just let life pass by without notice. Birthday season has just ended for our kids and I've been noticing that having a 7 year old, a 5 year old and a 3 year old is different than what we have experienced before. The Pillowfight Fairy (age 7) is acting like a second grader in her love of silly and gross things. She also has been showing a lot of teenagerish angst. This of course makes me wonder what is in store for the future.

The Adrenaline Junkie (age 5) is making the preschooler to kindergartener transition. She is becoming slightly more aware of what's going on around her and she finds it upsetting. No longer does she see her brother running away from her and think: "oooh... a game of chase!" No, now she starts wailing and crying that she's going to lose her brother. Instead of enjoying the Fantasia 2000 video like she used to, she cries for a half hour over what would happen to Donald Duck if he didn't get on the ark. Our older one went through a similarly emotional transition. But, I try to take it in stride and see it as part of her development as she grows older and gains maturity. The constant tears are annoying, but it shows that she is starting to make connections and think more deeply than she previously did. I suspect this means that we will probably be able to make more progress with her schooling in the coming year. Ironically, I was an extremely emotional child growing up and found that my tendency to give in to tears constantly, hurt me in the long run. As a result I don't have much sympathy with the constant crying and whining.

The Happy Boy (age 3) is not a toddler anymore. He is acting more like a big kid. He enjoys many of the same things that his sisters enjoy. They even play well together on occasion. One of his biggest strengths and also one of his biggest weaknesses is that he is more self-sufficient than his sisters at that age. In other words, he will do what he can for himself, instead of asking for help. While a good thing in general, sometimes problems would be prevented if he would simply ask for help.

It feels a little odd not having a baby or toddler anymore. We do miss having a tiny little child in the family, but they sure are a lot of work. I understand why people stop after having only one or two kids. As the kids get older, the physical labor I was doing gets easier. Two of my kids can mostly dress themselves, are potty trained and can take their dishes to the kitchen when they are through with them. I see that as a tremendous help in my work load. My youngest enjoys helping me bring in the groceries and sorting the laundry. I can tell you, that I look forward to the day when I've taught the kids to cook and to clean the house effectively. A shared load is so much easier to bear.

Of course with older kids come the more complicated problems. Relationship issues, hormones, power struggles, mind games, are some of the things I am not looking forward to. As with all things you lay the foundations of the later lessons while they are still small. So I keep trying to teach them how to treat people with respect and kindness. Though I sometimes think just teaching good table manners and that not every activity is a competition is far harder than I imagined.

When my parents used to complain that I was stubborn, I would respond that I came by it honestly from both sides of the family. Sigh.... I suspect Tim and I will hear and see a lot of ourselves echoed in our children in the coming years.

Hi...we are still here!

I know it has been a while since my last post. I considered posting several times, but hesitated since I hadn't finished the dresses of which I promised pictures. I still don't have pictures of the dresses, although they are finished now. Instead, I treat you to a picture of our December snowfall. A friend of ours (who is in her thirties) and grew up in the area said that it hadn't snowed here before in her lifetime.


It was mostly melted by the afternoon.

So what have we been up to all this time that Tim and I haven't been posting on our blogs? Well I'll try and list them briefly:

1. Homeschooling. It does take a good deal of time and effort. I have shed most of my "stay-at-home Mom" way of thinking. I am a working Mom. I just do most of my work at home. Now if I can get the kids to realize that schoolwork is not supposed to be an interruption to their lives but an integral part of it half of the conflicts we have would be done.
2. Christmas. We celebrated. We visited. Tim and the girls were in the Christmas play. Christmas is not a happy time for me. I have trouble indulging others' desires to recreate childhood fantasies for themselves. My personal view of it is that the holiday should mirror the priorities of the person we celebrate. I am not aware of anyone else around me who agrees to the point of going counter-culture on this. So I manage the best I can with it. Given this quirky opinion of mine and the fact that Christmas has had several losses, emergencies, and sicknesses associated with it in my mind from events in my past, I have found that the less I join in the general joviality, the more contented and at peace I am.
3. Birthdays. From October until February is Birthday season for our kids. We eat way too many sweets. Our kids get family parties and other special treats if we can manage it. The Pillowfight Fairy got a trip to a ballet performance. The Adrenaline Junkie got time to play with friends. The Happy Boy's birthday is yet to come.
4. Tim's been doing Chainmaille jewelry lately (for Christmas presents). He is also considering plans for an outfit for the Pillowfight Fairy.
5. I've been on a craft binge. I have completed one cross-stitch project and started another. I have crocheted a shawl for myself and a blanket for our sofa. I finished sewing Fancy dresses for the girls. Currently I am only working on a cross-stitch but I'm itching to pick up a new crochet project or start a quilt. I have promised a quilt to a family member in the next year, but it is not quite time to start it. So I'm tempted to start up one of the quilts I planned a few years back but never got to. I also want to improve my crochet skills to the point that I am comfortable in making clothing (something more complicated than flat fabric). I have been delaying these craft urges lately for the simple reason that keeping the finances updated is important and taxes will need filing rather soon. There is only so much time in a day after all.
6. Tim is in play rehearsals. He auditioned and was cast as the Mikado in our local theater group's production of the same name. Here is the company website for anyone interested. Needless to say that makes our schedule quite a bit more full than usual.

I think that covers most of it. For those homeschoolers or family members who like updates on how our schooling has been going, here is an update. We hit our halfway point a week after Thanksgiving. We currently have about 14 more weeks worth of work to go. I am well satisfied with the Pillowfight Fairy's Progress. The Adrenaline Junkie is proving to me that she is not ready for first grade next year. She has not settled down enough to progress in her reading and math as I had hoped. She is a full year young as far as the public schools are concerned. However her sister was ready at that age and the Adrenaline Junkie seemed to be at a similar point. Their interests are different and I'm convinced that the Adrenaline Junkie has her brain wired differently than her sister. In fact she reminds me a lot of myself in my early years. I had a lot of focus issues and was no better than an average student until I developed some focus and self-motivation. Probably today I would have been labeled ADD. Yet somehow I managed to move from unfocused and mediocre to focused and a good student. I am sure we can help our cute little Tom Boy Princess get to where she needs to be. In the meantime, I've slowed her lessons down. It took a while to figure out how to work with the Pillowfight Fairy. I'm sure the Adrenaline Junkie needs similar time and patience for us to figure out what works with her. I will probably have my patience tried by a child just like me. I already knew the Fairy was a lot like her father, so I suppose it is only fair.

A Quick Update without pictures

I know I promised pictures about the outfits I've been making, but I haven't finished one of them and I only want to take Halloween costume pictures once, so expect pictures around Halloween.

I have completed the Tiger costume for the Pillowfight Fairy. I'm still in the fabric cutting stage with the Adrenaline Junkie's fancy dress (It's a lot of fabric and I can't do it safely and sanely when the kids are awake, so I wait until I'm in the mood in the evenings... I haven't been in the mood tonight so you get an update instead).

We just came off a week's vacation from school. I find these vacations every six weeks to very good for us to relax and remember that we like to do other things too. I also find that the first few days back to school are horrible. The Fairy manage to drag her heels worse than usual the first day back and as a result we both had a really bad day back. A wise man I once knew had a saying that grated on the nerves: "There are no bad days, only bad attitudes." The older I get the more I understand why that saying bothers most people. It is because it is true and we know it, we just want the comforting thought that the quality of my day is out of my control, so I can blame someone other than myself. So with that in mind, I will rephrase my statement, we both had really bad attitudes by the time the day was over.

Sometimes I wonder if the joy of the vacation can make up for the first day back at school. Fortunately, I see improvement in just a few days as we get back into a routine. I know my kids. They like the freedom they get with vacations, and therefore want it to continue. When discipline returns, they fight it like it is the enemy. However, I can soon tell that they are actually happier with a disciplined life. In the disciplined life they know what to expect. In the disciplined life they do a variety of things and get things accomplished. That feels good. On vacation they get to watch more and longer videos. On vacation they get to play computer games. On vacation they get to do so much more of their favorite things. They also seem to get bogged down in making choices among all the fun things they could do. They find it suddenly appealing to read whole books for fun, when they used to complain about being asked to read a paragraph of schoolwork. They write stories for half the day when they usually complain "how many sentences? That's too many!" I'm amused at how much school they incorporate into play when they no longer feel the daily school pressure. So if they love it when we aren't doing school, I suppose the question is why don't we follow the "unschooling" approach. Basically, It's because we know our kids. They only love the stuff they already know. They hate with a passion anything they still have to learn because it is a) unknown, b) harder than what they are used to, c) they aren't good at it yet, d) they would rather have an easy, ignorant life, and e) all of the above. Our kids are pretty lazy when left to their own devices. I would love for my kids to be willing, eager, self-learners. However, that requires self-discipline. Self-discipline comes with self-control and an awareness of the different outcomes resulting from disciplined behavior and undisciplined behavior.

During our school times, I provide discipline to accomplish the schoolwork to help our kids improve their skills. When they cooperate, things go smoothly and they make rapid progress. When they don't cooperate, they don't make progress and the monotony of Mommy telling her child to get back to her work is an annoying, repetative drone. One day I was so fed up with the distractableness of my daughter that I stopped nagging and simply told her that I would make a tally mark for everytime I saw her distracted from her work. When she was done, she would have additional work in writing sentences for every tally mark on my sheet. It was amazing how focused she was after that. That particular day she only had to write two extra sentences. One of which was because she stopped her work at one point to ask me if I had done a tally mark. My goal is that I provide the discipline until they are mature enough to choose to discipline themselves. I also have to provide them with opportunities to see both sides of the choice, so that they understand the results of the choice. So we will continue to have school weeks and holiday weeks, even though the transition can be bumpy.

As of this last holiday, we are a third of the way through our school year. Our half-way point comes at Thanksgiving. This is a perfect time to stop and evaluate how things are going. The Fairy has been reading real chapter books from the library. They are short, but they have real chapters in the story, not chapters that could be stand alone stories. So far I've managed to find two at the library she really loved. The first was about a Llama named Harley. The second was a book titled "Birthday Pony." Both were stories from the real world not a make believe world. I am very pleased that she has been enjoying these. She has completed her lessons in cursive writing. From here on out we will be practicing what she knows. Three days a week I will be having her write her assignments in cursive. Two days a week she will be doing assignments in print. I am doing this so that she gets continued practice at both methods for a while. She is still a new enough writer, that I don't want her to lose one method so early on. She has been enjoying her science lessons. We have been concentrating on weather in the last six weeks. We will move on to studying how natural forces effect people around the world for our next segment of lessons. Her least favorite subject is math although she is actually very good at it. She doesn't like the repetition, but she needs it to really solidify her understanding.

As we begin a new six-week segment of lessons, I try to challenge her a little more. I'm being more of a stickler for proper capitalization and neatness of writing (before I would let her get away with writing her name in all capitals). As previously mentioned, I am alternating days for cursive and print use to give practice in each. I am adding an additional sentence to her written narrations. She now must write seven sentences to tell me about what we have read. I have noticed that her retelling abilities have improved with the added sentences. Last year when she was writing only three or four sentences at a time they were very disjointed. With six and seven sentences she actually has enough space to tell more of the story, so she does a better job. I can also say that 1001 Arabian Nights is a hit in the literature category. The book we have chosen for this is by Geraldine McCaughrean. It seems to be a good version that keeps the stories appropriate for kids while still keeping them interesting. She has also enjoyed some Norse myths as well as some Chinese, Japanese and Korean folktales. Stories and Art seem to appeal to her a lot as well as Science (where she is learning about real stuff). So I am trying to keep those elements strong in our lessons.

The Adrenaline Junkie is mostly enjoying her school work. She has a lot less to do. She is reading better, but she still complains about having to sound out words. She wants to read effortlessly, but to get there she has to do the work of sounding out now. Four-year olds don't understand these things. She also wants to spell. I force myself to be patient when she keeps asking me how to spell words. Her spelling really is supplementing her reading skills and is helping her understand that words are spelled the same way every time. It also helps her be more familiar with some of the words she likes to use. I am still taking it a little slower with her than I did with her sister. It isn't so much a difference in ability as it is a difference in interest and focus. The Junkie looks at the world differently than her sister. She just has more priority on relationships and less of a priority on knowledge. I have seen evidence that if the Junkie applied herself, she could do better work than the Fairy did at the same age level. But the Adrenaline Junkie is a very active whirlwind of a girl. It is hard for her to sit still very long. In fact, she and the 2.5 year old Happy Boy live life at about the same speed (hurtling through space as fast as their little bodies can carry them). I'm not going to be too quick to try to advance the Adrenaline Junkie until she has gotten better with her reading and writing. She still thinks a lot like a preschooler. The switch in her brain that makes her think like an older kid hasn't happened yet. Until that happens, It would be folly to try to take on a full day school schedule.

So what have we be up to besides school? Flu shots, Dentist appointments, taking walks, household chores and shopping trips. I've been grinding grain with my mill and baking homemade wheat bread. I also experimented with millet. I've come to the conclusion that Millet bread is a lot like corn bread and can be used in many of the same ways. I've been cleaning up some of the toy areas and weeded out a few items to be given away as well as brought out a few things our youngest is old enough for now. Besides my sewing project in progress, I started a small needlepoint that is going quickly. The Fairy is knitting scarves in hopes of selling a few for spending money. The Junkie is begging me to teach her to sew. I have a whole lot of craft project ideas lined up in my mind. The big one being quilting again. It's just about time to teach the oldest of my girls how to do hand sewing. Hand sewing patchwork sampler blocks would be perfect to teach her. Then maybe next year sometime (if not later depending on how fast she sews) we can start basic machine sewing.

This is my rough outline for how to teach a child to sew:

1. Lacing cards used to practice a running stitch, a whip stitch and a blanket stitch.
2. Teach plastic canvas needlepoint half-cross stitch projects.
3. Teach hand sewing using patchwork projects and any small crafts that come up and interest the child.
4. Teach basic machine sewing using simple projects (such as putting patchwork into a quilt).
5. Teach basic sewing procedures by sewing from a pattern (stuffed animal, simple article of clothing, etc.)
6. Try harder projects little by little until child has developed desired level of mastery.
7. Child becomes self-taught and self-directed in sewing projects (or any other craft projects for that matter)

That is what I plan to try anyway. I also plan to teach both the girls and the boy to sew. I think their Daddy plans to teach them all to do wood working and any other interesting creative and building skills we can thinking of.

Ok, so this wasn't all that quick. But it was an update. I hope you enjoyed it.

Progress... A Little Bit Every Day

I had a victory today. I finally finished the Pillowfight Fairy's fancy dress that I promised her back in May. She will probably be very overdressed for church someday soon. She will probably attend the ballet in the fancy dress too. As a result of this victory, I now have a conundrum. Do I immediately start making the Adrenaline Junkie's fancy dress, or do I take a break to make Halloween costumes. I'm leaning toward the Halloween costumes. One reason for this is that I'm sick of sewing fancy clothes (oh!...those gathers!...yards and yards of gathered netting...gathered ruffles...gathered skirts...uuuugh!). Another is that I suspect I'm running out of steam with the sewing projects, so I'd better get costumes done while I can.

I also noticed with surprise today that as of this Friday we are a quarter of the way through our school year. What with everyone else just starting their school year, I forgot that I've already been at it for nine out of 36 weeks. It wasn't until I noticed the Math lesson number that I realized that we had made that much progress. It is very true that progress is made one little bit at a time, not usually in leaps and bounds. I was so focused on the daily aspect of school that I forgot to look up as see where we were.

So where are we? Glad you asked. I made some good estimates on what the Pillowfight Fairy's schedule should be for this year. We are on schedule and trying to maintain the balance between challenging her and not overloading her. As for the Adrenaline Junkie, I'm still figuring her out. As noted in earlier posts, some of her lessons were getting too advanced for her so I slowed things down a bit. We are taking it at a little slower pace than I originally planned. But that's OK. We have room for adjustment in the schedule. But, at the slower pace, she still gets needed practice and I can be sure that she is really learning her subjects. She won't be five until December and still has the preschool wigglies. She is different enough from her sister that I can't predict how far along she will be for next year yet. So far her favorite subject is Math. She seems to have a love/hate relationship with reading and writing. She wants to read and write, but doesn't like the work it takes to learn it. While the Fairy is a perfectionist, the Junkie is more of a free spirit. She doesn't care about making her letters and numbers the same way every time and it causes her problems with her writing. She may start a letter at the top one time, the bottom the next time, backwards the third. I'm trying to be patient and not get angry when she writes a sentence completely backwards (both in the letters and from right to left) because she also spelled everything correctly and was consistent in her execution. I still have to correct her of course, but I try to be gentle. She is getting more comfortable with sounding out words and will spell words phonetically on her own. As her pseudonym suggests she is a very active little girl. She has trouble sitting still for very long. Fortunately she doesn't have to. Thankfully she and her younger brother, The Happy Boy, are able to play together a lot better now.

The Happy Boy is growing and changing too. I'm having a hard time remembering that he is not yet three. He is acting older and can do so much. Lately he has been fascinated by doing simple jigsaw puzzles (24 pieces) and he is getting better at figuring out where to put the pieces himself. He still loves to be read to and I've noticed him speaking more understandably lately.

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Well, I just had a conversation with my husband about Halloween costumes. It looks like the costumes will come before the other fancy dress. The reason being that not only does the Fairy want to be a tiger this year, but my husband is making an elvish princess chain maille outfit for the Junkie which will need a special under-dress made for it. So, I guess I'll be visiting stores soon to make these new items.

I will try to get a picture of the fancy dress posted soon. My husband will probably do a post on his latest chain maille endeavor when it is finished. It is pretty fancy itself. I think it falls more in the category of full body jewelry rather than armor.

The Frustration Inherent in Doing Things Differently

It hit me today that one of the things that I am doing with my kids is not the standard way of doing it. Now, that should not be a complete surprise. "Normal" is not what I'm aiming for so I shouldn't be too surprised when I miss it. The thing that I have been doing is teaching basic phonics and reading at the same time as teaching spelling.

I was getting frustrated with how the spelling curricula I'm using is not well matched to my daughter's level and how it was not as well designed along a phonics method as I would like. We are using Spelling Workout from Modern Curriculum Press. It fit well with my oldest daughter, so I thought I would give it a try for our second daughter. But, our second daughter is in a slightly different situation. Our oldest daughter was starting to read at 3 1/2 years and by 4 1/2 years was a confident young reader. Our second daughter has all the phonics basics in her head, she just didn't have interest in reading until recently. She is now 4 1/2 and begining to work through the sounding out phase of early reading. The older daughter was able to read her Kindergarten spelling lessons without much help and it seemed easy. The second daughter has just as much desire to learn to write words as to read them, so I thought the spelling lessons would be helpful in reinforcing the reading and phonics.

But, this time around I am more sensitive to the irregularities in lesson progress. The first Spelling Workout level (A) is geared for a first grader. A first grader is more likely to be further along in reading and spelling abilities. Although the book starts out simpler than the Adrenaline Junkie needed, it quickly became very challenging for her. I was also taking it at a faster pace than it was designed for. I'm having to break up the lessons in half and take only half a lesson per day. I suspect that the lessons were meant to be covered in a week. As a result we are already a little past the halfway point in the book and it is expecting half a year's growth to have taken place when we have only been doing the lessons for five weeks. Am I pushing too hard? Maybe, but that doesn't change the fact that she is still able to complete the lessons and I am seeing her make progress. I just have to be right there to read the lesson to her (the parts she is unable to do herself) and encourage her to sound out the actual spelling words and practice writing the actual spelling words. I am also having to teach her how to take each excercise and step by step talk her through it. I find it frustrating that she is unable to do the reading sections on her own yet, mainly because the reading sections mix more advanced words with the current spelling words. They even throw in a few spelling words that are harder than the most common phonetic form that they are highlighting (long o sound includes the harder "toe" and "road" and "fold" as opposed to the simpler "home"). It makes me wonder if there is a better fit out there for my second daughter's ability level.

So I spent a little bit of time today websearching results on "phonics" and "spelling." I've come to realize that most spelling programs follow some kind of phonics approach, but they are not geared to the level of a four year old who is needing phonics spelling practice at the same time that she is learning to read. I looked at a few that looked promising at first, but at closer inspection had similar issues as the ones I was dealing with. Either the teaching method was geared to an older child or the material was mixed with more advanced words than the current lesson addressed or the material took the lessons at such a slow pace that she would become bored with them and tune out. Within a month she has figured out the differences between long and short vowel sounds, why would I limit her to learning only short vowel sounds for an entire year?

I think one of my foundation issues in all of this is that I don't wait to teach a topic when everyone else teaches it. I teach it when it appears that my child is ready to learn it. So far my two oldest children were ready to learn reading and writing before their public school peers are traditionally introduced to it. They are learning the topic before they can understand some of the teaching exercises used in the prepackaged curricula (For instance unscrambling letters may be a fun exercise for a first or second grader, but incomprehensible to a four year old just sounding out her words). Sometimes the material is inappropriate age-wise or brain-maturity-wise, but would otherwise be covering what they are ready to learn.

If anyone out there knows of some curricula that would work for a four year old who wants to be able to spell and write as well as read, please let me know. I would love to find something that would be a good fit for her. Otherwise, I'm beginning to think that I may just have to figure out my own home-made lessons for her. I already use the old MacGuffey Primer for teaching her to read. She likes the pictures and stories. I like how it only uses words that have already been introduced in the prior lessons or the current lesson. I also have a Blue Back Speller and considered using that this year. I couldn't figure out how to use the syllabary in a day to day fashion for learning to read. Maybe I should take another look to see if it would work better for what my daughter needs. It is designed to be used to teach spelling after all.

I don't really want to create my own lessons. I'm doing that enough already with art, religion, and literature for my oldest child. It would be nice to get on track with something that I knew what comes next once we go from point A to point B. I also suspect that my son who is still only two will be ready early too. So this problem will undoubtably come up again with some new twist that is unique to him. I just get tired of hitting road blocks when I'm trying to find something to make my life easier. Silly me... homeschooling isn't about easier. It can be about tailored lessons; it can be about relationship-building; it can be about focused training; it can be about flexibility. I wanted my kids to be challenged in their educations. As a result, I find I have to participate in the challenges too... like working through frustrating curriculum mismatches.

Slowing Down With My Ambitions

A few posts back, I talked about all of my ambitious plans. Well... the weather has been hot and we are back in school so I find myself slowing down on my projects.

I used to love summer... back when I was a kid... when I lived somewhere where you didn't need air conditioning for most of the year. My parents still live there. Only about two weeks every year is it hot enough to wish that you had air conditioning, then it cools down to reasonable levels again and you find you can make do with a box fan just fine. Where we live now in the Sacramento area, it gets beastly hot during much of the summer. Even this year which has been milder than usual, it has been over a hundred plenty. Even though we have air conditioning here, the house still radiates the heat after dark and I feel wilty.

As for the schoolwork, it has been going fairly well. I have managed to get two girls to do their work all month, with only one day off to play with cousins. Even so, schoolwork takes up the majority of the day. When I'm not activity working with one child, another needs attention, housework needs to be done, life goes on. It still surprises me how much time work takes up. Intellectually I understand that since I am homeschooling my kids that I am effectively a "Working Mom". I have a full day's work beyond the general homemaker tasks. Emotionally, however, I still think that my time is my own since I'm my own boss and I have flexible hours. Reality is that being one's own boss means that you have to be the disciplined one and flexible hours means that if plan A falls through, use that flexibility to make a plan B. I find myself bouncing between overworking myself and goofing off when the kids go to bed. As a result my extra projects have slowed down and I tend to save some jobs for school holiday weeks. We've been doing school for four weeks that means I have only two more weeks before our first school break. I have a huge list of things I want to get done in that week. But anyway, what kind of progress have I made so far on my ambitious plans?

1. reclaiming the garden: We did put in drip irrigation but, we still are having a bad garden year. I harvested the few remaining carrots and one miniature cabbage. We still have the peppers, garlic, tomatoes, corn and beans growning. But, weeds are still a problem (they like the heat and I don't). Of the remaining veggies the corn and tomatoes are doing the best (though the corn is spindly and small). Our fruit trees have been doing well. Though we are thinking we need to take out our pear trees (they keep getting hit by blight).

2. We still need to frame our final remaining picture of baby E.

3. I have made good progress at putting away baby things. Very few things are still out.

4. The Fairy's fancy dress in still in production. I'm down to getting the skirt attached and final details. It isn't as much fun as when I started the project, so I'm having to force myself to work on it. It needs to be done soon, she just had another growth spurt. I'm a whole month behind since I planned to be finishing up the Junkie's dress this month.

5. I did clear off some space for the current school year's books.

6. I have cleared up a kitchen counter pretty well, but it is in constant danger of being inundated again. I know what I want to store in my plastic bag cabinet, so now I just need to find a way to make it happen (in a easy to work with manner).

7. I didn't put it on my previous list of ambitions, but we have been wanting to redo our garage. Someday we would like our garage to have the walls and ceiling finished with drywall and have appropriate storage and electrical outlets for our preferred uses for it. In preparation for this I inventoried our haphazardly piled garage stuff and put like things together. I also discovered things that we don't want which can be tossed or given away as appropriate. The next step in the process will be to dismantle a really awkward work bench that we don't want and which gets in the way of using a big chunk of wall for storage of tools. After rearranging things, it looks almost civilized in there.

I haven't gotten everything done, but I haven't given up yet. At least with a big to do list, I can work on whatever fits my convenience the best at the moment. I am trying to not add too many other new projects on until I finish a few more that I already have. I have lots of ideas waiting around in my head though.

Dress update and the first day of school

I mentioned that I was going to post pictures of the completed dresses I made for the girls. The matching summer dresses were completed at the end of May. Here's a picture:


I think they turned out well.

The fancy dresses are still in progress. I am in the middle of constructing The Pillowfight Fairy's fancy dress. If I worked on it faithfully every night it would be done by now. But, I am not up to working on it every night.

We also just had our first day of school for the new school year. What? Early you say? What better time to be indoors than during a Sacramento summer. I'm pleased to say that it went well. The lessons went quickly. The kids were happy to be doing school again. They had structure and purpose in their lives again. As a reminder this is the first year that I am doing two kids in a structured format, with the toddler as the wild card. The Fairy is starting second grade and the Adrenaline Junkie is starting Kindergarten. The lessons were mostly review for the Fairy today. They were more challenging for the Junkie, but not too difficult of a stretch. The Junkie got plenty of play time (often with her little brother) to get out her wiggles. The Happy Boy managed OK too. He did try to get me to turn on the computer for a video or a game, but could be convinced to play with other things instead. He and his sister spent a good thirty to forty-five minutes going back and forth between the kitchen and dining room while opening and closing the sliding door in between while pretending they were characters from Bugs Life. They did make a tremendous mess of play food on the kitchen floor supplemented by a dozen board books and a toy alligator. But they also were able to clean up the mess without help. About an hour later I did discover a half-eaten nectarine on the floor of the kitchen. But these days, that is a blessedly small mess compared to what the Happy Boy is capable of. He is getting tall enough to reach things on the counter tops and has snacking tendencies. On the whole I am pleased with the day and hope we have many more that go as well.

For those wondering about when my husband is going to update his blog, I have no idea. He just got a new shipment of rings and has started making a chain maille outfit for the Adrenaline Junkie. He loves his new hobby. So your guess is as good as mine.

We seem to be in a crafty mood lately. He makes chain maille. I make dresses and am planning some crocheted shawls to go with said dresses. The Pillowfight Fairy has been knitting a scarf (hopefully the first of many) which she hopes to sell close to Christmas for extra money. No special craft for the Junkie yet (though I am contemplating fulfilling a promise to make a toy "church mouse" and getting her to help). The Happy Boy has obsessions too. He likes to put foam letter stickers on paper in mostly straight even lines. He can easily do this for an hour a day (or until his two year old body has to wiggle out of his seat and go running around the house in circles).

With all of our idiosyncrasies I think I am losing track of whether our daily life is amazingly dull and boring or odd and exciting. Or maybe we are oddly boring or dully exciting. I can't actually say that I've ever been normal, but I think our family is continuing to be different but in many ways that are different for us. Does that make any sense? Well, at any rate, we are managing to maintain routine life while adding in a little variety. And yes chaos is still alive and well in our household and I am still working on finding order in the midst of it.

When News Hits Close To Home

I couldn't help noticing this story recently. It is a story about a woman who blogged about having a terminally ill baby. What do you know, we had a terminally ill baby. When I read more, she claimed that the baby was a trisomy 13 baby. We had a trisomy 13 baby. She claimed that her Christian faith kept her from aborting the child, but to carry it to term. We made the same decision. Lots of people followed her blog and sent her encouragement... same here. The key difference was that she perpetrated a hoax... it was all a lie. Our story was true. Many people are upset with her. Some want her to be prosecuted, but there isn't really any way to do that. She apparently did it to work through some issues that she did actually have in her life. The article states:

In her apology, Beushausen said she began writing the story as therapy but became addicted to the attention it generated. She said she lied "to a community of people whose only intention was to support me through this time and that is wrong, and for that I am sorrier than you could know."

I saw references to this story several times, and the angle seems to be that lying on the internet is just wrong and should be treated as a heinous crime. I would like to say for the record that whether or not lying is a crime it is still wrong. But people have lied for various reasons throughout history. As a librarian, I have always been amazed that people seem to understand someone lying verbally, but they are aghast if it happens in print. Somehow they believe that newspapers only print truth. Book publishers only print truth. The Internet only prints truth. Hello out there! There is not some magical process that prevents lies from entering print media. You have to evaluate truth or falsehood the same way every time. Consider the source and how reliable it is. If you don't know the source, you can't tell how reliable it is. If you follow a blog site for a long time, you may get a better feel for its veracity. Is it backed up by supporting facts? If the story is a very personal one, it is harder to tell.

I also wondered how many people would start second guessing our story since it sounds so similar.

But I am getting off the topic that I really wanted to pursue here. All of that is dealing with the issue of lying to the public. I really wanted to deal with the object of temptation. Before I saw that story, I had already noticed that there was a temptation to people who go through tough issues like we did. Until you are in that situation you may not realize it. And if you are in that situation you may give in to the temptation before you realize it is there. The temptation is to take undue advantage of people's good will to you. Let me take you down the road with me for a while and maybe I can show you what it is like.

When I first got a call from the hospital that they noticed something unusual in our ultrasound, I was proud of myself for having the presence of mind to sit down while they described what they found and why they needed to have a more detailed ultrasound to determine more fully what the situation was. I told Tim what they told me and we were very concerned. We knew that something bad was likely happening, but we knew nothing more than that and we started telling people that we needed prayers.

At our appointment for the second ultrasound, they described the concerns they had based on the first ultrasound and then we had the second one. The pictures were much better and they confirmed the problem. As another avenue of information, we decided to have an amniocentesis done that day, which did confirm trisomy 13. We were shell shocked at the time. We sought information hungrily. I felt like I was moving through a haze going through life and our kids kept pulling me out of this hazy world of seriousness into the present where I still needed to play with them and feed them and love on them. I still had to prepare for Christmas. We shared with everyone our news so that they could pray with a little more information. As a result we were inundated with prayers, concern, love, and good wishes.

The fact that we still had to get on with our lives helped and so did all of the attention people were showing us. I am sure the prayers we didn't even know about helped too. During this early time period we had to make basic decisions like continuing the pregnancy. This is the time when I did most of my mourning for our daughter. Because of the discomfort of the pregnancy, I often found myself awake in the wee hours of the morning. That is the worst time for a troubled person... everything seems bleaker then. It was also the time when we were first public about our trouble and had people coming up to us to find out what was happening. We frequently had people telling us how heart-broken they were for us. They kept asking us how we were doing, asking how we could possibly be managing through it all, and volunteering to help in any way.

Before long we had people telling us how amazing we are and how strong we are. Not all that long ago I had someone I barely know tell me "you're a good christian woman" (out of the blue, as we passed each other, with no other context). Not only do I not really know what she meant by that, both Tim and I are puzzled by these things.

Now we would like to think that we are all the nice things that people are saying to us. However, from our perspective we are simply trying to do the best we can and didn't have a whole lot of choice in dealing with the diagnosis of a trisomy 13 baby. Yes, we did have to make a few choices along the way, but that doesn't change the fact that it had to be dealt with one way or another. We were getting a lot of attention. People were being very good to us. People were making us dinners nearly two months after our baby died. When my doctor asked me (over and over again) how I was managing, he was impressed by the support we were getting.

Do you start to see where the temptation comes in? First you get lots of attention. Then people start saying really impressive things to you and about you. People decide to put their desire to help into action and you get physical help in one way or another. Before you know it, you get kind of used to getting the attention. Then you start getting a big head over how wonderful people say you are. Then you start to receive physical benefits from people who are showing you their love for you. That can be addictive. Apparently that was what happened to the woman in the news story.

Now the reaction to this woman who lied seems to be that people are feeling that their good actions were given to the wrong person, who benefited from it and they feel burned. I want to say that just because someone committed a hoax, should not keep people from doing good things. But I will say that people in the real situation do have a temptation to take undue advantage. So, I will also say to those doing the good works for them, "don't be taken advantage of." I have seen someone wrap herself in what seemed to me to be a cloak holiness. She was frequently used as a motivational speaker who was guaranteed to make people cry as she would tell her story. I knew someone with a terminal illness that rubbed me the wrong way, when I saw her wanting to be treated extra special by everybody all the time. I saw a couple who seemed strong at the beginning when they lost a child, but who went through a very troubled time for many years after because the strength was more show than substance. In all of these cases, I had a little bit closer dealings with these people than a passing acquaintance so I saw a difference between public behavior and private behavior. I don't want that kind of thing to be part of my story.

I would rather people see me for who I am. I am not extra holy. I do not consider myself somehow stronger or especially blessed to handle trouble. I like to think that what we all face in life is common to man. The rain falls on both the godly and the ungodly after all. Instead of saying "why me?", I think the more appropriate question is "why not me?" So, all the extra special treatment felt a little odd to me. It was very helpful. It did do us some good. But I think it is appropriate for a season. It shouldn't become a lifestyle. At least it shouldn't be a lifestyle for the person receiving the special treatment. It is very appropriate for the person giving it as long as they spread it around to everyone.

I'm getting in that mood again...

This blog is supposed to be about my war with chaos and how I keep trying to bring order to my world even though having three young kids works against my efforts. I must be feeling better lately, because I've been getting in the mood to start another assault on chaos. I've been noticing a large number of toys that aren't getting played with much and toys that are being out-grown. I've been trying to finish up some left over projects (though I did start new ones of sewing dresses). I'm trying to retake the garden from the weeds. Every time I turn around I see some area of the house that can use some heavy-duty organizing or simplification.

Maybe this mood is prompted by my renewed energy now that I am no longer pregnant and have made good progress in recovering from childbirth. Or maybe it is caused by my realization that if I'm going to start school with the kids in July, I only have this month to get some things done before I "go back to work" as it were. Whatever the cause, I have the itch to be productive. Here is a look at some of the things going on lately:

1. Reclaiming the garden. I've actually been working at this for a few weeks now. I've been trying to get out and weed the garden a few afternoons a week while the kids play outside after lunch. I don't always get a lot of time at it, since the Happy Boy has been wanting more attention from me lately. But I've pulled the weeds out of a few rows that were actually producing vegetables. Then I went to the plant nursery and the girls helped me pick out some vegetable plants to fill up the empty spaces. I've also been a little more regular in watering the garden. Perhaps we can get some drip irrigation put in to help with that soon. The plants that still survive the Spring planting are: cabbage, broccoli, carrots, and onion. We did have spinach and snow peas, but we finished those up already. We also have a clump of chives that came up from last year's garden (which never came up last year). The new vegetables are a cherry tomato plant, some pepper plants, some garlic and several stalks of corn. I also planted green beans in place of the snow peas.

2. I finished and framed my last needlepoint project. Now I just have to find a place to hang it. That will have to wait until we have framed a picture of Baby E. then we can find places for all our new framed pictures at the same time.

3. I have been putting away baby things that we plan to keep a while just in case we need them again. I have also been planning what things can be gotten rid of (like some baby toys) since the Happy Boy is outgrowing them. I'm hoping my umbrella strollers will hold out until I can trust him to walk with me obediently. With all of the walking we do, they are showing the wear.

4. I have made two summer dresses for the girls within the deadline I had for myself (sorry, no pictures available yet). Now I am starting the Pillowfight Fairy's fancy occasion dress. So far it is merely a bag of fabric and a cut out paper pattern. I will try to have it done by the end of the month so that I can spend July doing one for the Adrenaline Junkie.

5. To help free up some shelf space for the coming year's schoolwork, I bought a comb-binder machine to help me bind old schoolwork in preparation for storing it away in the garage. Unfortunately, with the Adrenaline Junkie starting school with me this year, we still need more space for books and binders. I'm still investigating what possibilities are left to us to solve the problem. Tim and I have already thinned out our books as far as we are comfortable with. I think I will just have to clear off the top of a filing cabinet we have in the living room and make that the designated school work stacking spot. It is either that or buy new bookshelves to replace some smaller ones currently in use.

6. I'm also thinking that some of our kitchen is not utilized properly. It would be nice to clear off some counter space and reorganize some of my cabinets for better storage. The kids' craft supplies shouldn't be in the kitchen. Neither should I have an entire cabinet for storing plastic grocery bags. Food preparation would be so much easier if I didn't have half my counter space covered with clutter. And one of these days I really ought to put up the curtains I bought for the kitchen (five years ago!).

So what do you think? Is it possible to get finished with all this before July? Maybe not all of it. But I hope to do most of it. I was slowed down a little this past week by sick kids (and me too). My biggest problem is putting too many things on my to do list. I haven't mentioned all of the other things that I dream about doing but don't think will get done any time soon. Ah... maybe I'm learning to be content with those things I can't change right now. It is hard to have contentment when you're trying to change the status quo.

I've finished the planning stage

I am happy to announce that I have finished planning for the coming school year. This is a really big thing for me. To understand why, you need to understand what I mean by planning. For some people, a plan is a nebulous idea of something they might do sometime, somewhere in an undetermined place. That's not me. When I have finished planning something, it is complete and detailed.

Our new school year will start in July. The reasons for choosing this time are varied. First, we did it that way last year and it worked well. Second, the kids can only stand so much vacation until they get antsy for school (Really! They do! My oldest is already reading ahead in her new textbooks). Third, their grade levels change at our church in July. Fourth, Starting that early helps in scheduling our nearly year round school. The only catch in this schedule is that the Adrenaline Junkie will not immediately move up to Kindergarten in the church class although I will be doing Kindergarten with her at home. That change will take place when she is more able to sit and listen for more than a few minutes at a time. I can work around her wiggliness here at home, but I don't expect another teacher to do so with a full class of kids.

I've spent hours and hours over that last five months, planning the new school year (I got an early start since I knew I was expecting a baby and didn't want to do intensive planning right after giving birth.) The Pillowfight Fairy has a year that will be just as full as last year was and slightly more challenging. The Adrenaline Junkie will be starting some basics. How to juggle their lessons will probably be my biggest challenge this year (that and how to keep the Happy Boy from feeling left out).

The Adrenaline Junkie will be following a course of study that includes reading, writing, spelling, and mathematics. Her reading program will start with McGuffey's Eclectic Primer and continue with practice reading in a variety of books that we have or can get from the library. She has gone through a phonics program and knows how to sound out words, but she still considers it hard work and prefers to have people read to her. My goal is to get her to do enough practice of sounding out words that it becomes easier and therefore something she wants to do herself.

For writing lessons, I am going to try Handwriting without Tears. She is actually very good at forming letters that are readable. But she has some work to do at drawing her letters the same way every time with proper size and spacing. She actually does a better job on blank printer paper than she does on lined paper. She also has no consistency in method. Sometimes she writes left to right, sometimes she writes the letters and words backwards from right to left. She may start writing a letter at the top or bottom and never the same way twice. She doesn't follow a consistent pattern of writing curves in clockwise or counterclockwise directions. Maybe this is because she is more of a free spirit than her sister was, but she needs to learn consistency for her own ease of writing.

I am including spelling lessons because I find that they reinforce the writing and reading lessons. Besides... she is always asking me how to spell things that she wants to write. If she is wanting to spell words, she should be learning basic spelling. We will be using Spelling Workout.

For math, we will be using Horizons Math. This has worked well for our first daughter and we like the teaching method and pacing that it uses. It is also flexible with students with different learning styles. The Adrenaline Junkie gives the impression that math is not something that she thinks about. However, this is a deception. I have noticed in her play with her older sister, that she has shown a better understanding of simple math than I had expected. She also tends to have more of an engineering personality than the Fairy. I expect that her learning style will be different, but I think she can handle a challenging math curriculum.

Some of the curricula we plan to use, will finish relatively quickly in the school year, so we will continue reading, writing, and spelling practice in various ways through the rest of the year. I will need to space the Junkie's lessons out a bit during the day to give her time to run around and play.

The Pillowfight Fairy will be having the following subjects in her new school year: spelling, grammar, vocabulary, memory work, penmanship (cursive), mathematics, medieval literature, medieval history, Earth science (1st semester), astronomy (2nd semester), religion, art, and music. I am fully aware that this is a lot. However, the way it is arranged in her schedule, it really is manageable.

She will be doing spelling lessons four days a week. Grammar and vocabulary will be trading off days (three days grammar, two days vocabulary). Memory work will be a combination of memorization from other subject areas and her church memory verses. Penmanship will be five days a week to start and then adjust to three days a week as she completes the formal lessons and moves on to practical application. Math will be five days a week. Literature will no longer be daily (as done last year), but instead will be selected stories to match up with what she is studying in history and to be read concurrently with them. History will be three days a week. Science will be two days a week of readings and lessons combined with daily weather observations for earth science (nightly sky observations during the astronomy section). We will continue our Bible readings where we left off. According to my schedule we will pick up in the book of Numbers and finish in I Samuel (yes I did really read ahead and break up the readings into appropriate chunks). Her art lessons will be a combination of art technique (using Drawing for Young Artists), crafts to match her history lessons, and history-themed coloring books. Music lessons will be piano practice five days a week, a weekly piano lesson, and a weekly music theory lesson.

This is a challenging schedule, but it looks more daunting on a daily basis than it really is since she is such a quick learner. She is a good enough reader that I will be having her do most of her own reading rather than me reading to her. She will have plenty of opportunity to practice writing in various ways. She loves memorization of poems so I will have to make sure that she gets some of that as well as memorization of drier information. She is good at math and picks it up quickly, but she hates the math practice that is necessary to internalize it. She is very excited about her coming science lessons (especially the daily/nightly observations). Art is a favorite subject of hers, so I will try to incorporate it as much as possible in our lessons. She also loves music, but as with math, she doesn't like practice.

Beside having her read more of her own lessons, I want to have her narrate back her lessons to help her process the information to retain it better. For literature, history, science, and religion she will need to do some kind of narration. She needs to work more on doing verbal and written narrations. I am thinking of letting her have some choice in what kind of narration she will do. Of those four subjects I think it would be reasonable to have one of them verbal, and one of them written every day (her choice of subject). Any additional ones could be her choice of verbal, written, or artwork. With the schedule I have made, some days would have only two, some would have three. I don't think we would be doing any more than that during a day unless we were trying to play catch up after a sick day.

To make my life easier, I think that I can plan our days in such a way that I can have the two girls doing workbook work at the same time so that I could bounce between them instructing and guiding as needed. I can also probably do a reading lesson with the Junkie during the Fairy's Piano practice. I'm hoping that having the girls doing some of their lessons at the table together (even though they are different levels) will help them feel like they aren't having to do all the work alone. That was a bit of a problem this last year when the Fairy had trouble concentrating because her siblings were busy having fun while she was stuck with schoolwork. Also, whenever the Junkie wants to listen in or participate with the Fairy's other lessons, she can. She can listen to the stories, she can listen to the history lessons, she can do art and crafts, she can listen to the science lesson and learn about how to do weather observations. She wants to be a big kid so badly, listening in to the lessons can help her feel less left out.

The Happy Boy will be running amok, most likely. He will be doing his best to find ways to monopolize Mommy's attention. In addition, we will probably need to eliminate our current habit of watching a video after the Happy Boy's nap. As the kids get older, there are so many other things that they can do to fill that time more productively. That will also give us a little more flexibility in scheduling during the day. By the end of next school year, the Happy Boy will probably be giving up naps anyway.

So that is a summary of the plan. I have a folder that contains 46 pages of detailed lesson plans (including books and page numbers). I'll need to double check craft supplies and library books about every two weeks. Then I'll look over each day's plans the night before. This kind of planning isn't for everyone, but it works for me. I like being able to do all the work and decision making ahead of time. That way the actual accomplishment, is less stressful to me.

Another lesson learned and other rambling thoughts about life and death

This time I'm talking about a lesson I have learned rather than one I've been teaching to my kids. After the death of our baby, we have been inundated with well-wishers and sympathizers. People have been very good to us. They've been feeding us and praying for us. This being the first time we have had a child die (and hopeful the last time), it is all new for us. I have encountered death before. But, those cases were more distant: acquaintances, former teachers, a baby niece, grandparents who had lived long and good lives, and first trimester miscarried children. Of those others, the grandparents hit me hardest. That was because I knew them longest and best. I have found that now when I grieve, I am no longer grieving just for one person. I am grieving for all of the losses I've known. I also have found that when I hear of another person's loss, I feel an echo of that in my heart. I'm hoping that in the future, I will be able to be as helpful and supportive as people have been to us.

That echo in the heart seems to be common. When people hear of our loss, I have noticed that there will always be some who then share about a loss they have had. They are the ones most likely to have tears in their eyes for me. I have found that if I can set aside my self-centeredness for a time, those are opportunities to help others know that it is safe to grieve or share current struggles with me. Our next door neighbor is struggling with his wife's failing health. Another neighbor lost his wife about two weeks before we lost our baby. A church matriarch still mourns the loss of two husbands. One of my Aunts still mourns the loss of a baby son who died 50 years ago. Different people deal with death in different ways. For some the grieving process is a long one. I really don't know how long my grieving will go on. Perhaps I will be one of those that grieve for the rest of my life. So far, though, my grief has been fleeting in the few free moments I get from day to day.

It is a recent realization to me that I don't mourn the individual as much anymore as I mourn the reality of death. Death is the enemy that we all eventually have to face. Life by life, people are taken from us. Even though as Christians we know that death of a Christian loved one is a temporary separation, it will last for as long as we ourselves live in this life. As a result, we still suffer the loss of those people who have been taken from us. I no longer feel the need to try to cheer someone up. It is enough to recognize their loss. I have found that letting them talk of their grief or just holding a hand and being silent is enough. They know that I have had a loss and that I understand. It is OK to grieve.

However, I do not feel even remotely sad most of the time. Does this mean that I'm not getting enough grieving time? Does it mean that I'm shallow or heartless? Does it mean that I'm forgeting our daughter? I don't think sadness has to always accompany grief as a neverending mood. I'm a pretty optimistic person in many ways. I'm married to a fun loving guy. We have three wonderful kids ages 6 and under who live in the present and who force us to live in the present. I find it hard to be depressed for long. Life brings joy to us in the midst of sorrow. God knew what he was doing by putting so much beauty in the world. If you find yourself constantly sad, I think you need to evaluate why. If you can't see joy in the beautiful things around you, you probably need some help to bring yourself out of depression.

The fact that I'm mostly happy, does not change the fact of my loss. It just makes it easier to bear. But I've also learned that if I want to be mostly happy instead of sad and fearful, I have to make some choices. I choose to live life for today and not dwell on the past which I can't change. I choose to live for the possibilities in the future and not dwell in fear what might yet happen. I also choose to avoid news stories that describe what horrible things people do to each other. I know my heart is not calloused when I encounter one of these by accident and my blood runs cold. I choose to avoid violent movies (I used to watch them all the time, but now I'm too sensitive to the evil that they depict) and instead try to use my time more productively. I remind myself that it is harder to build up than destroy. Still, I want to be a builder in life. I want to make a difference for the better. So I hope that the loss that we have been through really is building our character. Sometimes I feel like our world is lacking in the character department. Perhaps if we let our character be built by whatever hard times come our way, we will be the better for it and so will our world.

Summer ambitions

Our school year is almost over and summer beckons to us. I know that we will be taking it easy with lessons. Mainly the Pillowfight Fairy will continue piano lessons and the Adrenaline Junkie will be practicing reading and writing. But beyond that the possibilities seem endless. There are all of those craft projects that we never got done during the past year but we still have the supplies. The Pillowfight Fairy is contemplating a business plan of manufacturing scarves to sell come fall. The Adrenaline Junkie wants to paint and play computer games. And Mommy? Mommy just promised the girls homemade dresses today.

I may be nuts, but I've missed sewing and I had some fabric set aside that would make wonderful summer dresses for the girls. So today, we all went to the fabric store. While I and the girls were picking out appropriate patterns, Daddy and the Happy Boy were investigating Belt Buckles for the chain maille belt he was making for me. I finally came up with a dress pattern that the girls agreed to, but they had fallen in love with another pattern of fancy dresses as well. It turns out that this was a good day to shop for patterns at this store (All Simplicity patterns were just $1.50 each). So each girl got a pattern for a simple summer dress and a pattern for a fancy occassion dress.

The Fairy in particular is fascinated by this and wants to be in on all of the process. Which I think will be a very good thing. I intend to teach her to sew. So this is a situation where she can watch the process happen and learn how clothing is made. After this (and the completion of a few projects that are still in process), I hope to start teaching her how to sew patchwork by hand to make a small quilt project. So far she likes this idea. I'm not sure how much she will like it after about a dozen seams.

I'm looking forward to sewing again, but I wonder if I can get all four dresses done in a reasonable time so they can wear the dresses before they outgrow them. I am going to aim for getting the summer dresses done in a month's time. The fancy dresses will take longer. I will aim for no later than the beginning of August for them. Of course with dresses that fancy, we will need an occassion for them to wear them. If we don't come up with any special occassion, then I suppose they can always be princesses for Halloween.

Then maybe I will have my figure back in trim again by fall so that I can make something nice for me... Hmmm... I like that idea.